Thoughts from The Quiet Storm

Tagged...Random

2012-01-31T09:48:00.002-05:00

One of my blog favs Monique at Unscripted Musings tagged me a while ago, (KayC hangs head in shame) and I'm just now getting around to complete it. I must get myself together! Ugh!

Here are the rules:

You must post 11 random things yourself.
Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer

11 Random Things about me:

I enjoy solitude. The silence of my house is one of the most comforting things I have
I love my friends like family
I put on a tough mask but I wear my heart on my sleeve
I wanted to be a marriage counselor when I started college
My intuition is strong and almost always right. I need to listen to it more often
My car is 13 years old and I really don't want a car note
I love entertainment (books, movies, music, performing) and wish I could a make living in that field
I like being 'different' than the norm. Nothing upsets me like being compared to someone else.
I realize that I am deathly afraid of getting married again
I am not fully recovered from being broken, then again do you ever fully heal?
I enjoy stability and all that it entails

11 Questions from Monique

What has been your best Christmas gift to date? No Christmas gift stands out in my mind.
How did you spend last Valentine's Day? I have no idea. Honestly, I can't remember.
Who's your favorite author and why? Margaret Johnson-Hodge, she makes me want to burn my notebook! Her stories make you laugh, get mad and cry. She is a wonderful story teller.
Name your first boyfriend. Picture it, Clarkston, Georgia, late 80s...his name was Tova ;-)
What's your favorite dessert? Oreo Cookie Ice Cream
Name a time you've been disappointed. When my trust was violated over something that could've easily been avoided with a simple, honest conversation.
What did you want to be when you grew up? A performer, singer, dancer extraordinare
What's your favorite season? fall
It's Friday night, it's payday. Where are you and what are you doing? At home or at Theo's house under a blanket, watching TV. Maybe contemplating going out dancing.
What's the last movie you saw? Real Steel
Why do you blog? I started as an online diary to make myself write. Now it is more a place to put down thoughts and let them go.

Completing this blog tag made me realize I don't really do a lot celebrating and gift giving/receiving. I think that hilarious but very fitting to my lifestyle. If you chose to participate, please let me know. Thanks Mo for the questions, they gave me something to think about. The 11 random things were not easy.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

The Liebster Award...Onward and Upward

2012-01-23T14:05:00.003-05:00

German suffix Lieb means “Beloved or Favorite”… When people find favor in what you do, and it speaks to them, that’s a very rewarding compliment.

I'm back from the ups and downs of the holiday season and I think I just fully recovered. The holiday season surprisingly changed my life forever but it is something so personal I am still toying with the idea of blogging about it. People will always have opinions but I know I must make my decisions based on what I need and know is right for me.

My dearest blog Sis Lovebabz gave me this award and it is a wonderful surprise! I am tasked with the idea of giving this to more bloggers but sadly a few of them seem to not be blogging anymore.

The only constant in life is CHANGE...onward and upward my friends.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Leaving the Past...NOT Always Easy

2011-12-30T12:24:00.005-05:00

Just when you think you have it right...you are...tested. Taken through the flames you once walked through with vigor. You find yourself face to face with the same demons you thought you conquered. The same things you thought you had killed, dismembered and buried deep where there would never surface again.

Sometimes those demons come back to haunt you.

God has shown me that He (or She, whatever you prefer and whomever you worship) is in total control of my life. I showed my hand to God and He (or She) laughed at my ridiculous thoughts and vision of my future. I now know that things are in my future that I had no idea I would be blessed to have but at the same time I also know that the remnants of my previous marriage still haunt me.

It seems like every time I think I am healed, when I truly feel as if I can walk facing forward, something reminds me why I am in this place at this time. Right now it is all financial. My trust in someone that did not deserve a dime had me close to financial ruin and it seems no matter how much I try, those financial demons shape my current situation.

I try so hard not to be bitter but there are times when my humanity gets the best of me and I HATE HIM FOR IT!!! Then I hate that I was so quick to be done with him that I accepted all the debt and let him out free as a bird to enjoy life with his next wife.

While they seem to be doing extremely well (I know things are not always what they seem) I am haunted by his financial irresponsibility and my stupidity in mixing my finances with his. And now, years later I am still struggling with those choices.

It effects me...every...day.

I eagerly await the day when I can fully walk away from those bad choices. The choices that have me in a place that is currently keeping me from things I need to do. The financial issues that are now shaping my views on relationships. I need to get a handle on this before it ruins my current blessing.

Don't get me wrong, I am a stickler for budgets and I do not waste money. But it so hard to dig yourself out of a hole when you don't make much and prices in an unstable economy fluctuate like the wind.

Leaving the past behind you...is not always easy.

I MUST learn how to do it.

Soon.

What I have learned...make your choices carefully.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

From Good to Great

2011-12-05T14:46:00.000-05:00

My birthday month was very good to me. I celebrated with friends who have known me since...before life was complicated. When life was about going to school and your job was making decent grades. I swear time speeds up as you get older. It does not seem like I have known those two for 22 years.
Life is good. I still have a job, a roof over my head and doing things I enjoy. With the current US housing situation I will be in my home for a while but having great credit is making me stay put instead of abandoning my home to jump on some of the great housing deals that are out here like other folks. It perplexes me that people think it's a good idea to abandon their home to get another one. There should be some kind of serious consequences to doing this. They're only adding to the already bad situation.
Anyway, there is not much missing from my life. At this point I am re-evaluating what it takes to change my life from good to great.
This life is too short for it to simply be 'good.'

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Birthday Reflections 2011

2011-11-21T07:30:00.001-05:00

This year I am hitting my stride. I was hit hard with the mid-life 'where should I be in my life right now' and what I want to do with my life. The past year I had the honor of being involved in a variety of wonderful events and make great memories.

What I know now is that I have healed and learned a lot more than I think. I am not where I want to be but I am surely not where I used to be. My friends are going through some rough times and talking with them about their issues made me realize just how far I have come and how much chaos people are willing to put up with in their lives. It also made me question the amount of chaos I once lived with daily.

I am in a place where life is good. I am thankful for the distance I have traveled. As I continue on this journey it is alright with me to stand in my current place on this journey and thank my Creator for bringing me this far. It is alright for me to share the wisdom from a higher power with my friends (because I know it is not me talking sometimes). It is alright to be cautious and take my time when getting to know people.

It is alright to trust myself and say 'no' to allow time for me. It is alright to stand in my place, stand in my skin...

...and have everything be alright.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Be Inspired - Heavy D

2011-11-09T08:19:00.005-05:00

Twitter will give you news first. It may not always be accurate or have many details but you will stay up to date on a lot of things if you are on Twitter.

Yesterday Twitter lit up with the news of Heavy D's death. I have always been a fan of Heavy D, going back to when it was Heavy D and the Boyz. Back in the 90s every good party had a few Heavy D hits mixed in the playlist. I remember dancing in the car as I drove to and from college and the parties that were sure to make you tired and late for work the next day. Not only was his music great but the videos always featured great dancers and Heavy could move!!!

I usually do not post tributes to entertainers but with Heavy D it is different. Death is surrounding me this month and it brings me back to my reflection. People had an outpouring for Heavy D that was different than others. The reoccurring theme about him is he was always positive. He always wanted to be the best at what he did. As I jammed in my car on the way home during the tributes I realized every song was uplifting, every song made you want to move and not one disrespected women or himself. Not only did he have that approach as a rapper but also as an actor. Going after acting with the same gusto as he did with music.

That is a unique legacy within itself. As I reflect on that and how difficult it is to successfully execute such a positive light in today's society I remember his last Tweet....

"Be Inspired"

I leave you with some great music from the Overweight Lover. I know it will make you dance and smile. I enjoyed all of his music, even the latest album, so I would be remiss to tell you these are my favorites. They are just a sampling of my favorite Heavy D songs, as that list is HUGE!

From the first Album Living Large, 1987
Mr. Big Stuff

From the second Album Big Tyme, 1989
We Got Our Own Thang

From the third Album Peaceful Journey, 1991
Now That We've Found Love

From the fourth Album Blue Funk, 1993
Blue Funk

From the eighth Album Vibes, 2008
Long Distance Girlfriend

Rest in peace Heav, you did a remarkable job here on earth with the gifts you were given.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Letter to My Younger Self

2011-11-03T13:04:00.000-05:00

November is my birth month and each year I take the time to reflect on my life and the past 12 months before I add another year onto my age. A friend asked if I read this book and said she was buying it. My cheapness immediately made me google it and see if it is my local library. I plan to read it during my annual birthday retreat, the time I take off work around my birthday and Thanksgiving to spend with friends and reflect before the hustle and bustle of Christmas.

I do not travel much for Thanksgiving and no matter how much my mother lays on the guilt trip I stick to my reasonings and stay my butt at home. I know my budget and I know what I can/can not do and my family will be here at Christmas. I will see everyone then.

But...

This letter to my younger self thing...it had me thinking. What would I tell my younger self? So with that in mind, I write:

Dear Younger Self,

You are a beautiful woman with a warm spirit. It is okay to be yourself at any cost. You will be tested and at times you will feel as if life is beating you up but you know what? You will survive. Do not allow other people to tell you who you are and what you can and can not do.

Your mother is trying her best but sometimes she will not get it right. She will make mistakes and it is okay for you to have your opinion. Learn from her mistakes. She will repeat them but you do not have to. Oh, and that goes for your father as well.

Oh honey, it is okay to walk away from that relationship even if you think you will be embarrassed. Always trust your gut, it very rarely steers you in the wrong direction. That relationship with him will not get better. He will show you who he is and your only job is to listen. Better yet, when you have that "I don't know" feeling about dating him, follow it. Actually, follow that instinct every time you feel it and you will be just fine.

Enjoy your Granny. Enjoy each day, holiday and talk you have with her. She will be taken away much too soon and you will miss that time with her almost every day. It gets easier but you will miss her. Oh, and write down that biscuit recipe and place it in a safe place because your mother loses it and no one else has it.

Take the leap of faith. There are plenty of FANTASTIC career paths out there that you have no idea about. Look into them, research them, ask around. You are so much more than anyone gives you credit for.

Not everyone will reciprocate the love you give but do not force yourself to ration it. If they can not return it then simply move on. That goes for all types of relationships. You can not fix anyone so do not waste time trying to do so. Also, you can not love someone past their pain. What you can do is love someone after they have delt with their pain. THAT is the truth. Point. Blank. Period!

When the time comes, embrace your sexuality. Find your comfort level and do not allow anyone to take that from you or alter it in any way. You will find a balance and it does not include dressing provocatively. You are one of the few women who are not "girly" and still exude great sensuality. Trust me, men will see it and it will separate the men from the boys!

Life is so precious and short. Live each day and find something that makes you smile each day. You will grow into a fantastic woman.

Sincerely,

Your Older Self

Random Thunderstorms...(Wooosaaaaaa)

2011-10-20T09:00:00.001-05:00

I have a friend who makes me want to shake her. She's beautiful, has a great job and a great home with a cute daughter. Why do I want to shake her? Because she is a dating a man who she allows to treat her poorly even though there are tons of men (of all sizes, shapes and wallet depths) lined up to take her out. Yet she finds faults in all of them to continue on a self-destructive path with a ninja turtle! Woooosaaa!

Waking up with a slight layer of cold sweat all over, overheating and forgetting things?!? This is not fun...I denounce you in the name of the Lord! I am way too young for this...WOOOSAAAA!

I tried to do the Life Class everyone is raving about but that certain ex-talk show host wrecks my nerve with the 'holier than thou' way she talks sometimes. Yeah, I may not finish this....Wooosaaaa!

I walked into a store the other day and saw Halloween Candy next to Thanksgiving decorations right next to the Christmas decorations...all on one aisle. REALLY?!? Are they not worthy of their own space in their own time? Have we really become that lazy of a society that we can not wrap our brains around the changing of time and the respective holidays in their own time? I would not be surprised to see Valentine's day candy in December now...Woooosaaaa!

I paid 3.15 to fill up my tank last week, this week it is 3.39. Not one person has mentioned this is those republican primary election debates. You want to to talk jobs, how about starting with gas and food prices?!?! Woooosaaa!

Everyone wants to talk about giving relief to people who have interest only loans and can't afford to pay their mortgages. How about we do this...those people would be okay if they purchased something they could afford. Bail out someone who is bad with money and make bad choices and 2 years from now do you know what you have? The SAME people making bad choices with their money. How about you give the people who can make their mortgage payments a break? Drop their interest rate first, they obviously are good with their money and can make good choices with the money they have. How is it that you help people who can't manage money before you help those who have proven they can handle it? You want to pump money into the economy? HELP THOSE WHO ARE IN A POSITION TO DO SO!!!!!

You don't need a 4 bedroom house when you only have 1 child and make less than 40k a year. You don't NEED a house that costs 250K when you can only AFFORD TO PAY $700 a month. If you bail out these people we will continue to be in a downward spiral. The people who are legitimately handling their business are getting tired of the hearing they can not receive help until they become the less responsible...Wooooo-m-f-in-saaaa!!!!!

Speaking of politicians...since none of them seem to be able to understand they represent PEOPLE and not their own damn agendas and personal gripes, vote against every one that is currently in office. Holding a political office should not be damn career! Why are there senators and congressman who have NEVER held a regular 9 to 5 but have been in DC for over 20 years?!? VOTE OUT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM who want to hold up progress in finding a resolution to this economic crises. I bet they would understand THAT GESTURE!!!! Ask Cynthia McKinney. You have a voice, make it count in November!!!!!!!!

No, there is no woosaa after that last statement. Something needs to change and every single one of us has an option to make it so. Bet I ruffled a few feathers on this post. You mad? Speak your peace in the comments section....

*KayC takes a deep bow, drops the mic and exists stage left rubbing her temples and shaking her head*

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

He Is...

2011-10-10T09:05:00.000-05:00

For my blog Sis LoveBabz who wanted to know about the 'Man' I mentioned in my last post...something tells me she is not the only one who had the question.

I remember when I met him. I was at one of my weekly Salsa events a few years ago. At the time I was enjoying my Addiction and had no desire or curiosity to start anything with anyone. It was the middle of the week and I was enjoying my new found obsession with Salsa.

I make rounds at Salsa events, meaning I do not stay in one area of an event for long and have avoided (for the most part) being labeled as an On1, On2 or Casino dancer. He grabbed my hand and asked if I would like to dance. Hardly ever turning down a dance unless I am headed out the door or in serious need of a breather I accepted and we talked through our first dance. The usual conversation followed, name, where you learned to dance, do you live here, etc. I wish I could say 'and the rest is history' but this is not that kind of story.

We would see each other on the dance floor at various events and we would always dance at least once, sometimes more. The conversations kept coming over the years (I am a talker on the dance floor, if you can not talk and dance or if that annoys you please don't ask me to dance) and eventually he asked for my number.

Over a year had passed since we first laid eyes on each other. Yes, it was over a year before numbers were exchanged and by this time I was coming out of my Addiction and had started seeing someone else. I was not in the position to start anything and our first phone conversation was light. I remember thinking that I was not sure if this would/could go anywhere.

I thought he was a good guy but I just could not see it at that time. He loves to tell people that I was leaving to go on a cruise and told him I would call when I returned but he did not hear from me for three months. I laugh but it is true. I did not call him when I got back. I took that time to clean up my life and clean out the junk that took residence there. Even after cleaning house we remained friends and would talk from time to time.

Things changed one night about a year ago. I received a phone call from him early one morning saying that I left the event without saying goodbye. Still not knowing if he was showing interest or just small talk I waved it off until one night while waiting to say goodbye he stopped dancing with someone to dance with me before I left.

I am naive to certain things. He would call and talk to me as he drove home from salsa events and our conversations would last for hours. Still, I did ask if he was 'interested or just being nice?' Our journey began slowly when he answered, 'both.' The rest, as they say, is history.

I will not give a name or a description here as I am still very protective of this relationship. He does resemble a celebrity and gets asked for autographs from time to time with the occasional "Oh my GOD...I LOVE your show!"

I only see a resemblance at times and I am often in bewilderment as I see people stare when we are out and about. He handles it well but gets frustrated at times. I just laugh and walk away as people insist that he is being modest.

Now that I look at this photo if you trim down the facial hair and make his hair a little shorter...well, the resemblance is uncanny. Ha! I have missed that all this time.

With that in mind...let's just call him Theo ;-)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

That's Just the Way It Is

2011-09-29T14:00:00.005-05:00

"That's just the way it is"
These last few weeks have been rough. My father is fine. Thank you to everyone who sent me well wishes via blogger, twitter and FB. He returned to work and returned to being the father that I have known for most of my life. The one who is M.I.A. The one who does not return phone calls or text messages.

Deep down I wanted our relationship to be different. At this point in my life I am not sure I could have looked at him as a 'Father' but I needed him to be a friend, to be in my life or at least act like he gives a damn! It is more than astonishing to me how any person can go from confessing how much they care for you, hold endless conversations with you for days then go back to their life without you...without a second thought.

By day three when my messages went unanswered I became worried and afraid. Surely if something was wrong someone would have called me, right? I contacted my oldest sister and she assured me he was fine and that is when I became angry. I was hurt and was heartbroken for days. I did not want to talk about it with anyone but I realized that once again I had allowed this man to crush me.

I gathered myself up, realized he is who he is and put those feelings away. They now live back on the shelf where they took up residence before he got sick.

"That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is"

Work is just...work. I am here, I have a job, it pays the bills. I am looking for my passion. That thing that will make me get up in the morning and allow me to look forward to my day. Often I wonder if it exists or if it is wishful thinking.

My events company is holding its biggest event this weekend. I am nervous and excited about it. Three days and nights of non-stop dancing and I am going to soak up every bit of it! Of course there will be photos and maybe a little video. I am not sure yet.

Well, that is about it for now. Well...there is someone in my life. He has been around for a while but I have kept him 'close to the chest' so to speak. He is a good guy with a good heart and that means so much to me right now. Because this last line is the part I'm having issues with.

"That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them"

Yeah, I dug into the vault for this one. I was wondering through the mall last week (I loathe shopping) and found myself singing along. How many of you remember this one? I love Phil Collins but his rendition can't touch this version.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Diggin' Raul Midon

2011-09-19T07:25:00.003-05:00

I wrote this about a year ago and I am not really sure why I never took it out of draft mode. I still love this song. Enjoy the music while I try to figure out how I want to approach my next post. Although the majority of the music I post lately is of the Latin variety I do still enjoy other genres. Don't worry there are more Latin artists in my drafts :-)

On a lazy Sunday morning I was watching one of the high numbered video channels and they were featuring artists from around the world. I love artists who may not be topping the charts but still have the passion for their craft. It is something that comes across in their music, a certain something you see as they perform.

Raul Midon's video played while I was doing some work on my laptop and it caught me enough to make me stop working and watch the video. His passion in that video is something I very rarely see anymore. He will be added to my Quiet Storm playlist. Hopefully, you will be curious enough to see for yourself and maybe download a few songs for your playlist?

Of course I had to include the video that captivated me. His explanation of the song in the beginning...well, see for yourself ;-)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Phone Call that Changed Everything

2011-09-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

I'm sure this will be pretty random but here goes...

One phone call changed my life. For the better I guess, but it was an ordeal. My sister called me the middle of last week and said my father had been rushed to the hospital and all she could understand from his wife was "he is not responding to the antibiotics."

Not responding? Antibiotics?

My relationship with my father is strained at best. He has not been in my life on a regular basis since I was a pre-teen and even before then he was always working and I rarely saw him.

Later that night I found out he was in surgical ICU and was unresponsive.

ICU? Surgical ICU? Unresponsive?

Considering my car is 12 years old and it was holiday weekend, I was stuck in another state some five hours away as I waited by the phone for updates. Plane tickets were over $1,000 and try finding a rental car the day before a holiday weekend. Yeah, good luck with that.

To really add stress my cousins were riding down to Florida for the weekend on Friday but told me there was not room in their car. Yeah...I took THAT with a grain of salt. Such is life.

My sister (who is one year younger) kept me updated because my father's wife did not have the decency to call his first-born to give me any updates throughout this entire ordeal. I have no words for her right now and will probably have no words for some quite some time.

Long story short they found the source of his infection and he regained consciousness around day three. Yes, I sat by the phone for THREE DAYS waiting. His fever spiked around 104 but it also came down after day three. He was released from the hospital after a five day stay and made it home for the Holiday.

The good from this situation?

My father and I are talking again.

I spoke to him everyday while he was in the hospital. I think we talked more this past weekend than we have in life. Now that things are getting back to normal for him, maybe that new found relationship will stay that way? Near death experiences have a way of changing people.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...Getting an F

2011-08-17T10:12:00.003-05:00

It has a been a long time since I posted a Storm Breaker. Think we all may need a good laugh. No?

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,’ the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. ‘Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Ha! Gotta love the kids. Have a fantastic day!!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...(Finding ME Time)

2011-08-08T09:10:00.000-05:00

I am still a little M.I.A. in blogland. There are a few things I would like to blog about but whenever I get a few moments I just want to relax. Somehow there are not enough hours in the day. Between my 9 to 5, performance group, events company and trying to have a personal life, my body is rebelling and making me slow down.

When my body screams "No mas!" my guilty pleasure is a good beer or glass of wine while watching reality TV. I do not watch many of them but I caught this episode of So You Think You Can Dance. I am not a huge fan of Sasha. Her technique is not as polished as a few of the others but she truly dances from the heart.

This choreography was great and I am a huge fan of Me'Shell. It definitely deserved to be mentioned here:

Speaking of television and some interesting things that grace the screen, I recently saw this commercial. It took me watching it a few times before I realized what they were referencing. My reaction was REALLY?!? It is a very clever way of putting it out there but who in their right mind thought this was an appropriate commercial?

Now I know why it only runs sporatically. What do you think?

Ending on a happy note, I have a new niece who joined the family in June. She is healthy, happy and growing fast. I am looking forward to meeting her and seeing my oldest niece again. Two girls and a lot of hair to be combed by my Sis!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

I've Been Tagged

2011-07-11T12:10:00.002-05:00

I was tagged by Monique at Unscripted Musings so let's get it done:

RULES:
List 7 random things about yourself, pass the award to bloggers and answer a couple of questions....(okay, you know I don't do chain letters but let me know if you decide to participate)

7 Random things about me...

1. I grew up around one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. One of my Line Sisters is a lifeguard and so was the ex but I can not swim.

2. I always wanted curly hair, never knew I always had it.

3. I am not a fan of the sound of my voice even though I do voice overs at my job. Doing mic checks freak me out!

4. I LOVE home improvement shows. I dream of having Ahmed crash my backyard!

5. The last two men I dated resembled two of my celebrity crushes. Coincidence? Maybe not.

6. I would love to trace my family tree back to immigration. My Grandmother took me to the early 1900's and they were Native American and European decent. Always wondered where the African portion came from. Interesting huh?

7. I miss the niece and nephews I once had with the ex (who quickly remarried). It hurts my heart to see my former niece on social networks referring to her aunt. Because of this I try not to date men with children. Not an easy thing.

Q and A Session

Favorite Color: Purple

Favorite Song: There are so many...Alright by Ledisi, Cuano El Rio Suena by Havana D'Primera, Vivencias by Havana D'Primera, No Limit by La Tremenda

Favorite Dessert: Oreo Cookie Ice Cream

Biggest Pet Peeve: People who want you to be considerate of them without being considerate of other people

When You are Upset, You: Withdraw from everyone, stop talking until I calm down

Your Favorite Pet: They are like children, I can not just choose one

Black or white: Black

Biggest Fear: Not ever having a family of my own

Best Feature: You tell me, I have no idea

Everyday Attitude: Singing..."Every day I'm hustlin', Everyday, I'm hustlin'"

What Is Perfection: Using all the gifts God gave you

Guilty Pleasure: A few bad reality tv shows

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Blah, Blah, Blah

2011-06-28T09:36:00.001-05:00

I'm in kind of a blah mood. Nothing is really wrong except for the usual things in life but I'm just feeling kind of blah.

I'm looking for another gig so if anyone knows of any fabu positions in Communications/Event Planning please send them my way. Maybe I just need a change

Life is chugging along and I really do not have much to talk about. Just checking in I guess. Still dancing, still planning events, still being caregiver to the fur baby.

The dance floor is still good to me. I need to stop wearing sneakers to dance during the week. The floors are not always the best and my knees are mad at me for a few days after. I know the wear and tear is causing damage. Even with compensating my dance style for a sticky floor with rubber soled shoes I still find myself dealing with aching joints.

If you watch this clip you can see me compensating for the lack of 'glide' on the sticky floor. If you listen around the 45 second mark, you can hear my partner declare he's tired and calm down our dance pace! This is after dancing that pace for most of the 5+ minute song. ROFL!

I love that someone is always taping you or taking photos of the dance floor. I also love the fact that I very rarely notice until they show me the footage after ;-)

Dance floor Therapy...it is cheaper than the gym and a psychologist.

Blessed and Highly Favored

2011-06-20T14:12:00.003-05:00

"What's meant for you will come your way.
No one will get what's meant for you but you."

That quote may sound redundant but my Grandmother (my family called her Dear, but I called her Granny) used to tell me that all the time. As well as this quote:

"It'll be alright after while."

She left this earth over 10 years ago but sometimes I swear I hear her in my head saying the same things. So much so, that I find myself repeating those words (in her Southern dialect) to the people around me. I said those quotes to my business partner numerous times over the past year. I kept telling her everything happens for a reason and things happen so other things can transpire.

I thought of this business idea and held onto it for over a year. I was terrified to approach anyone about it. The world of dance can be a little fickle to newcomers but she jumped on it and away we went. Talking to people on the low, putting bugs in people's ear, trying to create something that had not been done in our area.

Our first few events met with stereotypes and people trying to purposely sabotage our events. It was extremely hurtful. A deep wound forms when someone attacks your character but we talked each other through it and kept going.

Every time one of us was at our breaking point, someone would come up and tell us how much they enjoyed the last event and ask about the next date. More than a couple of times when we were faced with finding a suitable venue one would mysteriously land in our laps with an irresistible price tag that happened to be free or half off for that month. Coincidence? Not at all...

We learned valuable lessons from the ground up and approached each event as a learning experience. We make sure to greet each attendee by name and if we don't know you when you come, we know your name by the time you walk out of the door. We have been accused of making our dance nights too cozy and comfortable because people will get comfortable and sometimes forget about the dance floor. But you know what? That is fine with us because they leave with a smile on their face.

Of course you can not please everyone all the time but we are working on the select 'hard nuts to crack' and they too will leave this next event happy, sweaty and tired. I am extremely grateful for finding what I think may be my calling. I am extrememly blessed and highly favored for using the gifts God has bestowed upon me.

I am so thankful that I am growing into the person I think I was meant to be. Two years ago I made a contact with someone and kept it going just enough to work out a great deal for my little company that could. My little company that is barely one year old is hosting a room for three nights at a major event in the area.

My little company that could is being put on the map.

My little company that met all that opposition is now being marketing by the very people who tried to shut us down.

My little company that could...is proving that it CAN!

And for that...I am extremely grateful, humbled and have the strength to keep going.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...(Week at Home)

2011-06-13T14:26:00.000-05:00

One of the very few perks I have with my job is the time off. We are closed when people usually request time off so at the end of the physical year I have time to burn. I like to take a week after things have died down and just use it for myself. No traveling, no visiting family or friends, just time for me to do whatever I want to do.

I used the week to stay at home, relax and turn off my damn alarm!

I spent three days with myself. Me and the furry one stayed home, kept each other company and enjoyed being lazy. At least I did, he does that on the regular!

I danced four nights straight. I missed Salsa and my partners. It was so good to be on the dance floor again even if the NBA finals made for some interesting crowds.

I lost half of those pesky pounds that found their way to my waist, hips and thighs. Gotta love that dance floor!

Speaking of losing weight...who goes on vacation and LOSES weight? Once again, I LOVE the dance floor!

I ventured out to a few new dance spots and people did not know me. When you are new, people can be reluctant to dance with you. Thankfully I can lead so I danced with a few women and happily mingled with the crowd. One of the men hugged me and told me he had to bow because I was mean on the dance floor. I could only laugh and say thank you.

I was really flattered when on the way out a lady stopped me and told me she had watched me dance and I was her dance inspiration. ME?!? Someone's dance inspiration? I remember how I felt when I first found my dance inspiration, being someone's dance inspiration is a great honor. I hope I do not disappoint her, LOL!

I happily checked off a few things on my house 'to do' list. My ego got a gut check when I ran across a few old photos from when I first moved in my house. I had just walked away from the marriage and had all the debt with a small income. I left the furniture and all reminders of that life. I had lost sight of how far I had come and only thought of the things I wanted. Those photos reminded me of how I am slowly and surely making my house my home.

I also spent the week making strides to perfect my craft on the event planning side and dance.

That was my week in a nutshell...how was yours?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Time and Chance Meetings

2011-06-04T12:40:00.004-05:00

I wrote in February about my trip to San Francisco and the more downs than ups experienced by my performance group. What I did not mention in that post was the meeting of a legend in the Salsa dance community.

I dragged into the hotel lobby with my performance group Director after our more than four hour flight delay and paying triple the cost of a cab ride because transit was closed. There were no smiles on our faces and everyone could tell we were exhausted. A smile found the way to my Director's face when this thin-framed man walked up to her and spoke softly in Spanish while hugging her with a bear hug of an old friend.

He turned to me and asked my name. She introduced me and he immediately took my hand, looked me in the eyes, said what a pleasure it was to meet me and kissed my hand. (All in Spanish, of course). I returned the kind greeting in English and he asked my friend/Director if I spoke Spanish. She assured him I could understand him and he continued our conversation in Spanish as I returned his answers in English. He said he would talk to us over the weekend as we dragged ourselves to our room.

I had many interactions with him over the weekend. Every time he saw me he kissed my hand and told me what a delight it was to see me (All in Spanish, to this day I never heard him speak English). As I mentioned in my previous post I was sick most of the weekend so I missed his class on Rumba but got a lesson in the roots of Salsa and how most instructors are not teaching it properly in the U.S. over breakfast that Saturday morning.

I am always told I have an old soul and my spirit connects with people. I wondered why he was drawn to me in my group of 6 ladies, many of which he had met years before. I can only say that old spirits connected like they had known each other for years. Maybe they have known each other way beyond anything we can comprehend in this lifetime.

I received the news through the Salsa connection that he recently died. I had no idea he was sick when I met him in San Francisco. I had no idea that chance meeting with him would be my one and only interaction with a man who touched the dance world way beyond the Rumba/Afro-Cuban/Salsa teacher I knew. My description of him in this tiny post in my small blog does not come close to touching the tip of what a gift he was the dance community.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Our spirits met again in this world and I am looking forward to being lucky enough to meet him again in the next. The dance world has suffered a great loss but I smile every time I think of him kissing my hand and saying what a pleasure it was to meet me.

It was a great pleasure to meet you as well, Pupy. Rest in Peace my friend.

Felix "Pupy" Insua

I am not sure how long the link on his name will be active but you can read his bio there. This post was published at the exact time his body will be returned to the earth, dressed in white from head to toe, anointed and blessed and thanked for carrying his spirit for these 63 years. It would be a great honor to remember him in dance but even though my spirit rejoices that he is no longer in pain my heart is heavy...and right now, so are my feet.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

What I Want for You

2011-05-24T06:51:00.001-05:00

I have a huge family. My mother has a lot of brothers and sisters and each of them had quite a few children so I was raised around a lot of family until I moved to my current location with my mother a pre-teen. My cousins also live in the metro area. When they started to have children I was the perfect age to babysit for them. The first two babies are in their 20s now. I had a wonderful sense of pride when they graduated but this weekend another one walked across the stage into adulthood. He is truly special to me.

I kept him for his mother a lot more than the others. He has seen way too much for a kid his age. His parents have taken him through way too much as a child. Through all of that he has kept this child-like goofiness that always makes me smile when he is around. Do not get me wrong, he is a smart young man. His neck should have been sore the next day from all the ropes and stashes that adorned him on his day. But the thing I absolute adore about him is his ability to stay true to himself.

As he embarks on his life journey to become a doctor who helps to bring life into the world I pray over his spirit. I pray that he keeps his sense of goofiness. I pray that God keeps him and holds his heart. I pray that he always has a happy spirit even when life gets the best of him. As I watched him walk across the stage and be goofy with his friends at the graduation party, I looked at the man dancing the wobble with his friends but I saw the baby who played with my alarm clock so many years ago. That clock never worked again but my memories continue to grow.

So proud of you Cuz...I can only hope one day that if I am blessed with a son he holds half the sense of self you have.

M.I.A.

2011-05-17T15:10:00.003-05:00

I have been M.I.A. from this blog. Mainly because it is the end of the school year and working in education means that I have been extremely busy these past few weeks. That pace will continue for the next two weeks. It has stressed me out and tired me out. Not only have I been M.I.A. from this blog but I have also been M.I.A. on the dance floor. Gasp...yeah, I know.

I no longer like my job. I like what I do and the fact that I still have a place of employment but this place is wearing me down. I'm scared the new stupidity level may be contagious so I don't drink the water. I'm not joking. It amazes me how people's sense of self-entitlement means I need to stop everything I am doing and cater to them. Shaking my head and walking away. Did someone mention vacation time? Yeah, I need some of that...real soon.

On a brighter note that little events company is the little engine that could and it is pushing right along. Four events down and three more scheduled for this year. I am geeked about a three-day party we have the pleasure of co-sponsoring. That should translate into a lot of good dancing and late night partying. I am looking forward to that like a kid looks forward to Christmas. Maybe I can shed the extra few pounds that have found their way to my body. No one is complaining except for my wallet and wardrobe. I plan to re-introduce myself to the dance floor this summer so maybe I can dance them back off?

Other than my work frustration there is not much going on in The Storm. I'm claiming my backyard from the large tree the power company decided to cut sideways and checking off my to do list around the house. I am cured from the Addiction and have not gone back that route and pretty content with my personal life. (not ready to share any of that quite yet) Life is wearing me out right now and I can barely keep my eyes open although it's only around four in the afternoon.

I need a nap but I have to sit through a retirement reception and a boring meeting before that happens :-( I am not sure what lesson I am supposed to learn from this but I really need to figure it out!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Black in Latin America: Cuba

2011-04-29T14:35:00.000-05:00

I did not want to post this until I had the chance to view it for myself. Most of my friends are Cuban. I have more Spanish-speaking friends than African-American friends and ironically most of of my African-American friends are fluent in Spanish.

My friends joke with me that I am adopted into the Cuban family and often they will only speak Spanish around me then give me the eye when they are done meaning "Did you get that?" LOL!

The stories they tell are first-hand knowledge. Fleeing Cuba in the 80s, the family members that are still there desperate to get out and of course, the poor nation that seems to produce some of the best musicians in the world. The documentary did not go into the world of Cuban music known as "Timba" or the great Salsa that comes out of the small nation which was disappointing but it was eye-opening.

It did go into the slave trade, how the Cuban people refer to themselves as "Cuban" before any other color. The fact that Cuba received twice as many slaves as the USA. The race relations that plague their country. Watching this, I thought of my adopted Cubano de familia and how people view them. Most of them have brown skin, some darker than mine and some lighter than mine. Many of them are considered black here in America. But...ask them and they will proudly tell you "I'm Cuban!"

Watch the full episode. See more Black in Latin America.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...(Life in General)

2011-04-27T09:07:00.000-05:00

This time of year is usually crazy for me and 2011 is living up to that reputation.

My events company had a wonderful event in April. It is always a good sign when the servers and the owner of the venue have smiles at the end of the night. Even better sign when you call the owner to discuss his thoughts and the second thing after hello is, "Are we still on for...?" Yes, indeed!

I put the final nail in the coffin of the Addiction. He was sending me articles on education. Finally, I questioned his motives and his response of 'nothing, just sending you articles I thought you would be interested in' blew my top. My response? "Thank you for the article. Please do not contact me again." GTFOHWTBS!

I think my first performance group has officially disbanded. That is not a bad thing. Honestly, it was financially draining and time consuming. It introduced me to dance and for that I will be forever grateful but it has run it's course. Everything has a reason or season.

Thinking this may be a transitional period for me. Transition is not a bad thing. I'm learning (as always) and growing as a person while becoming comfortable with my limitations and expectations.

I have a big event on the horizon. I can feel it, touch it and have some great ideas in mind. I should have final partnership approval by the end of the week. God's got this. My events have steadily become better and have literally fallen in my lap. Coincidence? Not at all!!!!

Life, my friends, is good. Enjoy it!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Black in Latin America: DR and Haiti

2011-04-21T12:18:00.003-05:00

I know it has been a while since I have documented anything here but life has taken over. Considering my love of all things south of the border, my Salseras made sure I knew about this documentary series airing on PBS. A good number of my Salseras and Salseros (men and women who dance Salsa) would be considered "Black" until they opened their mouths. A few of them will keep you guessing until they decided to speak Spanish or (in a few cases) French.

There are a LOT of Americans who have no idea Africans were traded in South America and the islands before they made it to the U.S. The conversations I overhear in Salsa class amaze me sometimes. Including the lady who argued with my instructor about being hispanic as she demanded who gave him the authority to teach Salsa since he was obviously black!!

This should help and enlighten a few people. The full episode is embedded below. It is set to re-air so check your local listings. This is the first of the series including one on Cuba and Brazil. You KNOW I will be glued to the one on Cuba since the majority of my friends are now Cuban!

Amazing how race relations plague the world....

Watch the full episode. See more Black in Latin America.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Last Night a DJ Saved My Life...

2011-04-07T18:10:00.000-05:00

The one place I am totally carefree is the dance floor. I love to perform but freestyle dancing on the Salsa dance floor with a good partner puts me in an indescribably great place of euphoria. Seriously, the smile that finds me on the dance floor is natural, it just happens. It simply finds me and stays there until the song is over. Especially when I have a great partner who I can trust on the floor, someone who protects me and allows me to give him total control.

This year, due to some drama and emotional stress, I took a hiatus from the dance floor. I usually dance at least twice a week but I stayed off the floor for two months. I was off kilter, something just was not right and I could not figure it out until I returned to the hard woods.

And I returned to Salsa with a vengeance...

I returned to the dance floor with my event in March. We brought in the only woman Salsa DJ in the country and she wore us out! The following week I helped to teach a beginner's class on Tuesday, hit up two places that Friday (yeah, you read it correctly) and hit the floor again hard on Saturday. If that was not enough I also had rehearsal with my performance group the next day on Sunday. I'm talking about getting home at four in the morning exhausted and happy every night. And you know what? It felt absolutely wonderful!

It was wonderful to see the friends I had not seen in months. I felt absolutely great to be led across the floor again by men who know how to lead. Fantastic to have great dances with new friends. I have never seen a video of myself dancing socially when I was not on stage. Until now...

Thanks to the outstanding photographer who captures my events in photos, I now know what I look like on the Salsa dance floor...and I must admit, I like it. This short clip features this group's version of Mi Musica. As you know they are one of my favorite groups so the Salsa Hubby (guy I'm dancing with) was jammin' with me :-)

BTW - The album on Amazon is NOT the new one. It says April 2011 as a release date but that is the US release date of that album. It is actually 2 years old, the new songs are available on itunes.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Want to Know What I Want?

2011-03-21T11:29:00.000-05:00

The beginning of 2011 has forced me to deal with a lot of issues I thought were dead and buried. I have had to tackle things I thought I had conquered years ago. So you may find a lot of my new posts are focused on finding me and my balance. I wrote this one a long time ago but ironic how it is relevant today.

Everyone keeps asking me what I want. What I want in a partner, what I'm looking for in a man. What I desire in a companion. If I could manifest the perfect mate....

I want...

...to look in his eyes and have everyone else in the room disappear.

...someone to make me smile and look at me like this on AND off the dance floor

...A man that is sexy and confident, that ignites thoughts at the sight of him

...to lounge on the sofa and fit perfectly in his arms while we watch...something. I really don't care what it is.

...both of us to be secure in what we have. Titles are words, feelings have meaning but intentions can last a lifetime.

...to remember what it's like to be loved when I am having a long stressful day.

...my memories of the night before to carry me through my day.

...to be on the same wave length and communicate without words.

...to inspire him to be the best him he can be.

...PASSION.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...Crossroads

2011-03-16T08:40:00.000-05:00

I have several random crossroads in my life right now. What better place to discuss a few of them...

I have a friend who is very near and dear to me. She has been seeing a guy who is not comfortable showing signs they are dating in public. They can't arrive anywhere together, show any PDA or leave together. But, he constantly tells her she's the one he wants to be with. It has been over a year now and my friend knows of other women he has also been seeing and she confessed to me they are considering moving in together. Merging children, finances and lives. I had to be a good friend and ask "How can you live with someone who will not claim you in public?" I was floored...but no matter what she chooses, I hope she will be happy. It took so much restraint for me to not yell while she told me. I remember when I was in that situation, being held captive to an Addiction that was not good for me. Life is ironic like that.

Speaking of my Addiction...I am doing pretty well in walking away from him. He called in November and I did not answer, simply sent a 'thank you' text days later. He sent a link to a news story in February concerning my job field. It took me weeks before I read it but never responded to him. Most recently he sent me another link to my FB account. Never an apology, never any written words outside of the subject of the emails. I know he is thinking of me but if he truly wanted to reach out? Try it with words and maybe start with an apology. Nice bait...but I am not biting. Yes, I admit to stumbling but I will not stop walking away.

I recently befriended (or so I thought) a fellow blogger. Enjoyed reading their blog and we ended up having good phone conversation and email exchanges. But after I repeatedly turned them down in the 'relationship' department (and I use that term loosely) things hit the fan. I don't know how many times I have stated here that I do NOT play the role of the other woman but I am serious about that. If you live with someone, if you have an 'understanding' with someone or if you are having relations with someone... I WILL NOT become involved with you deeper than a friendship level! Translation: I will not become physical with you. Do not ask me about my bedroom habits or specifics on my bedroom behavior. Since I asked if I would be removed from the twitter account every time we disagreed I was also removed from the blogroll. It's okay though, lesson learned. Always follow your first instincts. I view my blog as an online journal, I am flattered if you care to read it but I don't use it as a place to meet men. I meet plenty in my daily real-world life.

I am thinking of a career change. Not really a career change but trying to figure out my purpose, my passion and how to leave my mark. Have you seen someone who does something they are passionate about? There is nothing like watching them. I need to find my 'thing' and keep it close. I think I am close to figuring all of this out. If the last few days are any indication, I know I am on the right track because there are some people who are really mad at me. But I have some big ideas and plans on how to bring them into fruition.

I am at a crossroads because I think each interaction rather good or bad is having an effect on me. Each event that takes place in my life is molding me into the person I am destined to become. I may not be who I want to be but thank God I am not the woman I used to be! I had a situation last weekend that I felt I handled pretty well and reinforced to myself that I know when to walk away, when to leave well enough alone and not try to fit in. No one is living my life, this life, my daily life except for me and now I at least know when I have had my fill and where I find my joy. That tells me I am making strides and choosing the right direction at my crossroads.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

2011-03-07T08:01:00.000-05:00

Thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement and commented on the last post. I have recovered or should I say I am starting to recover. I took time for myself, no going out to help other people, not listening to anyone else's issues and I stayed off the dance floor. I took time to get myself together. I took time to have a long, honest look at myself and have a long, honest talk with God. I spoke my issues, my pain and what I thought was my near breaking point.

I woke up the next morning still in the clothes I wore the day before but I felt like a different person. Do not get me wrong, the world was not all rainbows and roses but the tears had stopped and my shoulders no longer carried the tension they had the day before. I spent the day cleaning my house, gave the furbaby a bath and just enjoyed the sunshine. It was a beautiful day and my porch swing offered a little comfort. The most I ventured away from home was to walk the furbaby around the neighborhood. I did have a conversation with the guy. At one point I asked him, "Do you want to be alone forever?" You might think that is cruel, but I did not ask in a cruel way nor a mean or demeaning kind of way. Sometimes, things come to me and I have no idea of what I am saying but they come in a way that makes the person hear me. This conversation needed to be had and I needed him to hear me. All things considered it went very well.

The following day was also a beautiful day. The sun was shining and I enjoyed a slow cup of coffee while watching one of my favorite reverends on television. What was his sermon on? Keeping your peace. Hmmm....I feel another theme. The guy met me for breakfast and I guess our conversation went better than I thought because I had a hard time getting rid of him. He accompanied me on a few errands and we finally parted ways in the early afternoon. Despite the conversation and the time spent together he still has a long way to go in finding himself and I am not sure I am the person who can help him navigate his way to self-discovery.

I returned home to walk the furbaby through a peaceful park and decided to tackle my budget yet again. I came up with a plan on how I'm going to survive with rising gas and food prices as well as a product idea that hit me on my trip to the west coast. I also came up with a marketing plan for the event company and a grass roots way to get more people to attend. Through all of this I slowly found my way back from being broken.

I found my strength, my inner peace that keeps me when nothing else in the world matters. I found the courage to tell people that sometimes I have to take time for me. I can not always take on the problems people bring to me. I know who I am, what I like and what I can/can not tolerate. I have the courage to ask for what I need and I respect the fact that sometimes people can not give me what I need. I have the courage to gracefully walk away from toxic relationships of any kind and I hope to have the courage and wisdom to know when to hold on and when to let go....of anything.

I found the wisdom I forgot I had. The wisdom to know I have come a long way from the woman I was. The wisdom to know I have a pretty good life despite what anyone thinks. I have the wisdom to keep on walking when tempted with a former addiction (yet again) and the knowledge to know good memories should never make you turn around but smile and keep going forward.

I do not have all the answers but I have once again found my strength, courage and wisdom. I forgot about this song until it came on my satellite radio station while I was cleaning the house. She is phenomenal...

Let Me Lay it on the Line

2011-02-25T11:42:00.004-05:00

There is so much going on around me.

So much that I finally broke down. Literally, I broke down. Yes, there were tears. At work...which I never, ever allow myself to do. At my desk as well as the break room (thank God I was there alone) and apparently I could no longer hide it because everyone tiptoed around me all day. I was not angry, I was defeated. Broken...

It happens to everyone at some point and for me it was a few days ago. So much drama swirling around me that on top of the tears my body shut down. I passed out in increments of an hour at a time for the past few days. I am sure the jet lag had something to do with it as well.

The last time this happened to me I was going through a divorce. Quietly, I was going through hell trying to keep a straight face and recover from the pitfalls of bad finances, a bad marriage and saving face. This time it was because of opposition from the events company, much needed repairs to the house, something trying to resemble a relationship, a very disappointing trip, dead-end job and the rising cost of living with a decreasing pay check. If you follow this blog you also know my struggles of coming to grips with my slim chances of having children. Which means I am not doing well with my sister who is pregnant with her second child and hating every minute of it. Guess who gets the "When are you next" questions, yet again?

So, as I start to reclaim myself, catch up on rest, give the opposition truly something to envy, tell the guy to consider his path, contemplate a new job in this economy, re-adjust my budget, put on a happy face for my sister as she complains about hating pregnancy and wanting a boy instead of another girl and figure out how to put a band aid on the house repairs until I get them taken care of I try to remind myself that I can only control how I deal with things.

The smile is not back on my face but I am no longer breaking down. As I began to pick up the pieces around me I try to remind myself that God must have a plan for me and there must be some happiness somewhere in this. A lesson to be learned.

Because as the battle lines are drawn, I am not sure how much fight I have left in me.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Once is Enough...I Think

2011-02-24T07:56:00.001-05:00

My 50 Things to Do list consists of a lot of different things. One of those things is to have my photo taken in front of the San Francisco bridge. I have no idea why this was important enough to make it to my list but my Salsa performance group was invited to perform on the west coast and you guessed it, the city was San Francisco.

Sounds simple, right? Go to the west coast, have a day to see the sights, take a few classes, enjoy the parties and after parties at night before returning to the east coast. Ha!

Let me just say I will seriously think twice before I ever venture to the west coast again. Let's start with the plane ride there, shall we?

My plane had a departure time of 7:15 with an arrival time of 9:55. After I checked in and made it through airport security I noticed my flight was delayed. I thought ok, I can grab a bite to eat to burn the extra hour. One hour later and the departure time was still not updated and no gate agent or person at customer service to speak with. As people continued to arrive at the gate, we heard three different departure times and still no gate agent. Around 8 the screen updated our departure time as 8:25, which would have been great if there was a plane at the gate for us to board.

As everyone sat there wondering if this plane would ever arrive and if we would indeed make it to the west coast the time changed on the departure to 9:21. At this point even the pilots and flight attendants seemed irritated. Finally around 8:15 a gate attendant arrived and had no clue the flight was delayed. She made no announcements on why we had an extra 2 hour wait nor did she offer an apology for our wait time. What she did do around 8:45 was announce the flight was extremely overbooked and they were offering round-trip tickets to anyone willing to fly the next night. Uh...you're kidding me, right?

The question then became if the plane was overbooked (it finally arrived at the gate around 9ish) why were they assigning stand-by tickets? To add insult to injury, they practically forced people to check their bags because they ran out of overhead space. As we finally made it to the tarmac we knew it was bad sign when planes were taking off around us, our pilot announced we needed to return to have maintenance check out the flotation device but we had no gate to return to. At this point it was almost comical and everyone was expecting Ashton to poke his head out to say we were being punked. I think we finally left the airport around 10:30 - from a 7:15 departure time. Which put us behind in the arrival time, which meant the rail station system was closed, which translated into a very expensive cab ride to the hotel at 1 in the morning west coast time. Did it get better? I'll let you be the judge...

The next morning it was rainy, cold and nasty outside. Considering our schedule, this was the only day we had to see the sights so my group decided to walk the hills to Fisherman's Wharf. We figured the rain would let up. We were wrong.

This was the bottom of the 'hill' and this photo is very deceiving. We thought it would be okay until we got to the middle:

This is how far we walked up in the rain, cold and nastiness. There was no way I was going into the middle of the street to get a great photo since the cars were trying to tag us like a game of Frogger:

This was the view after we got to the top:

The view was worth it but we decided to get a cab. The rain slacked up a little and I ended up having the best cup of clam chowder in my life at a street vendor. That was after we were given the cold shoulder at a restaurant. I guess she figured we weren't dressed well enough to get a good table. There is a such thing as Southern Hospitality.

We ended up at another restaurant with a view of Alcatraz for a clam chowder bowl, expensive appetizers and dessert. Let me say that everything in San Fran is expensive, even the cab rates triple at night. We took a van cab back to the hotel down the hill (which felt like an amusement park ride) for about $12. We took a cab to the store that night which was a lot closer and it was $20 round trip!

It rained every day we were there and got colder by the day. I caught the west coast crud and tried my best not to get anyone else sick. I was over the rain by day 2 and refused to go out in it again. The sun decided to come out on the last day and we did venture out into the city. Did I get my photo taken in front of the bridge? No. I did not get to go to Chinatown either. It was Chinese New Year and according to the taxi driver it would take hours to get in and impossible to catch a taxi back to the hotel and we were performing that night. The one thing I wanted to do was no bueno. I feel a theme...

By day three I was over the entire experience. The classes were over-crowded and you could not see the instructor. Either the classes were freezing or someone had the bright idea to prop open the door to the freezing rain for a breeze. Needless to say by the end of the festival almost everyone had the sniffles and was coughing. Even the parties at night were packed beyond comfort level.

The savior to this trip was the actual performance. The performance was the best one yet and since we knew the DJ MCing the event he played "Walk it Out" as we exited the floor and yes, we walked it out southern style and left it all on the dance floor.

Of course the flight back was over-booked and once again they forced you to check your carry-on. At least the delay was only one hour back to the east coast. I have never been so happy to be at home. My first stop was the pharmacy for a decongestant and then to pick up the furry one.

Would I ever go back to the west coast? That is a BIG fat no. It will take a LOT for me to go back. I sincerely think once is enough...but judging by the standing ovation we received as we walked it out I think we might get invited to perform next year.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...Shaking My Head

2011-02-14T08:30:00.003-05:00

My metropolitan area is way too small. If you take the square root of the educated African-American population, add in the Latino and bi-racial group that identifies, subtract the amount that are married (who are not cheating on their spouses) and add in the few who are divorced - what do you get? A few hundred people who all know each other and who have slept with more than a 'couple' of other people in the group. I say this because one of the women who played the mistress in my prior situation is now playing the role of the other woman in my friend's situation. Shaking my head and thinking it is time to relocate...

I recently had the best weekend and received some wonderful news concerning my '50 Things to Do' list. I may get the opportunity to cross off a few things I never thought would happen. I am simply beside myself...I'm keeping it close to the chest for a little while longer. Shaking my head in amazement...

My event planning company threw our second event in January and the crowd was a little thicker than the first event. We tried a marketing strategy that proved people can not follow directions! Needless to say we will not run another special until our anniversary celebration. Shaking my head at people's sense of entitlement...

My former Addiction sent me an email out of the blue. I think it's an article on education (I work for a school system) but I have not opened it. I have not heard from him or had any contact with him for months. He called to wish me a Happy Birthday in November and I sent him to voice mail. Funny, he crossed my mind the other day when I saw someone who resembled him. Think he felt the vibes? Shaking my head and telling myself to leave sleeping monsters asleep! Shaking my head at him...

I am learning to follow my gut feeling. That feeling in the pit of my stomach my Grandmother called a "sixth sense" of sorts. My events company venture is kind of requiring me to become a DJ. The father I contemplated letting into my life last year was/is a DJ full-time and I contacted him about lessons. Well...that spawned a series of 'hey beautiful' and 'muah' instant messages. Although I think he's a great DJ and the lessons would be beneficial, I decided to cancel them. Obviously, we each had different views on our approach and my gut feeling was telling me it would not go well. Shaking my head at that...and moving right along.

I am taking my first trip of the year very soon. It is a trip to the west coast. A first for me but I am going with my Salsa group to perform at one of the largest Cuban Salsa festivals in the US. I am looking forward to knocking another thing off my 50 Things to Do list and glad I will do it with my Salsa girls! Shaking my head at some of the foolishness I KNOW will go down during that trip.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...Being a Court Reporter

2011-02-02T07:19:00.001-05:00

One of my Saleros sent me this on a day when I just needed a laugh. Extremely worthy of passing along. Enjoy!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Aww man, I was cracking up. Love my Salsa family :)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Diggin' Havana D' Primera

2011-01-25T09:35:00.003-05:00

While I continue to learn about the roots of Salsa and study the many styles of the dance I am coming across wonderful bands and great music.

I love live music and I love Salsa because the bands are actually bands. Many of them averaging 12 or more musicians (many of whom play more than one instrument) and there is nothing like the sound of a live band, especially ones that put it down like these bands.

The dancer in me has fallen in love with Alexander Abreu y Havana d'Primera. The first time I heard this song on the dance floor I was hooked:

It satisfied the Salsa craving by giving me a great beat as well as fed the jazz and live band junkie in me. This Cuban orquestra consists of 14 members and the lead singer/trumpeter puts down some smooth sounds with his voice as well as his trumpet. They have performed for the past few years consistently around Europe and South America.

Anyone who can lay it down like this live, is worth the price of admission in my world. I haven't heard a person play a trumpet like this in a long time:

This song is on the same album as the one mentioned above and it is my absolute favorite timba/salsa song. The first time I played the CD in my car and this song played...well, I was a Havana D'Primera fan for LIFE! It is the smoothest, jazziest, piece of timba that have ever graced my ears. I am saving this song to dance with someone who deserves it. Enough teasing you, enjoy it for yourself:

I really like their mellow stuff but they can also make you move. Notice the crowd dancing? LOVE IT!!!

I can not wait to see them live. It is rumored they are coming out with a new album that will drop in a few months. What do you think? Do they make you move?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...Cabin Fever!

2011-01-17T11:16:00.001-05:00

I was snowed/iced in for five days and it drove me crazy. I was almost willing to brave the icy roads to go see some friends and family. Living alone and being on the other side of the city sucked last week! Ugh!

On a lighter note, I got caught in the snow storm Sunday night having a movie night with friends. People were the nicest I have ever seen them in this city. It gave my nervous drive home of an hour a half some peace.

I have a plan in place to conquer debt and build wealth this year. I have worked on recovering from the bad marriage and have done pretty well. A few major bumps last year put me in a hole but this year I will fully recover.

I refuse to marry or get into a serious relationship with anyone else who has bad credit and can not manager their personal finances. Call it what you want but marriage and life-partnership is also a business contract. I am too old to rebound from another man who can not manage his finances. Ironically, I know a few men who feel the same.

I have a few great vacations planned for this year. I can not wait to keep seeing the world. My cousin may not accompany me on a few but I have gained another traveling companion.

I'm planning my first trip to the west coast and going to visit a friend in Vegas! Excited....what happens in Vegas...

My house received some much needed TLC during the ice storm. I was home so much my fur baby started to ignore me.

I have not hit the dance floor hardwoods at all this year. What is wrong with me?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Remembering Oscar-Nominated Pete Postlethwaite 1946-2011

2011-01-07T10:48:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite movies of all time is The Usual Suspects. That is saying a lot because having a Film & Video degree I have watched a ton of film. This movie grabs you form the beginning, keeps you in it until the very end and makes you smile at the twisted ending. It delivers one of the most memorable last liners of all time and does it all with an all star cast, many of whom are still honing their craft in the acting world.

Pete Postlethwaite played the lawyer, Kobayashi, coming to tell the bad boys what a terrible mistake they made and how they pissed off his boss. He was a great actor and this is a great movie. Mr. Postlethwaite recently lost his long battle with cancer and died at the age of 64.

Once described by the film director Steven Spielberg as "probably the best actor in the world today." He worked with Spielberg on two films - The Lost World: Jurrassic Park and Amistad.

But this film, is/was an instant classic.

Mr. Postlethwaite played a pivotal character in this film. If you have not seen this movie, I highly recommend you rent it. Hell, go out and buy it. Trust me you will want to watch it again and again. And set the reminder every time it comes on the local cable stations.

Mr. Postlethwaite, you will be missed.

My Sweet, Sweet Dance Hangover

2011-01-03T07:09:00.001-05:00

I mentioned my first performance with my Salsa group last year and how we were debuting a new routine at the 3-day Cuban Party in December. There was some gooooddddd dancing at that party!!!!!

I have NEVER experienced a party like that but I guarantee I will do my best to make my next event just as good. I met some new DJs that had some people literally dancing out their shoes, hats and bra straps. One of my Salseros changed his shirt and could almost wring the sweat out of it. Good times...good times!

I took some great classes, saw some old friends and made some new ones. There is a wonderful Latin DJ from New Mexico that I have on tap for an event later next year and I learned some great new moves, watch out hardwoods! But the best part of this past weekend was the performance. Last year I watched as these ladies performed and I thought how nice it would be to learn to dance like them. Little did I know I would receive an invite to join their group a few weeks later and be a part of their performance this year!

I am so proud to be a part of this wonderful group. These ladies are BAD and this performance was the absolute best performance I have ever had. It wasn't perfect but the energy and vibe during that performance was so good people were coming up to us for the rest of the weekend telling us how much they enjoyed watching us dance, how much energy we have on stage, what great chemistry we have in our group and how much they can tell we have fun being together. It is all true and something tells me it will only get better from here. We closed out the performances on the main night and the best compliment was the owner of the party coming up to us saying "THAT is how you close out the performances!" Video? Of course there is video ;-)

g

The last night of the party we danced with the Salsa singer from earlier this year. He is a wonderful man with a warm spirit and I must say he rocked that crowd. We were once again his backup dancers. The dancing to his singing was beyond belief. We lost him in the crowd and as I looked up he was singing with the mic in his left hand and dancing with a lady in his right! I hope that opportunity leads to bigger and better things for him. He so deserves it.

It was back to work the following Monday and I was nursing a dance hangover but man, was I happy! I am truly blessed and highly favored. I am surrounded by a network of people who care for me and want what's best for me. Finally, I am rejoicing in a place where I am comfortable in who I am and I am enjoying life. I have met so many wonderful diverse people and I have hobbies that keep a smile on my face, that are great for my health and well-being and I am happy. Let me repeat that, I AM HAPPY!!!!

I am truly overwhelmed in my life and I am so happy to stand in this spot, at this moment and let the tears of joy roll down as I recall this year. The great memories, laughs, love, friendship, family, travel. I am excited to see what comes next.

I hope you enjoyed your holidays...I really enjoyed mine.

Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...The Real Fat Man

2010-12-22T07:00:00.001-05:00

Last year my silly cousin text me a crazy Christmas text and this year I think she topped herself (although I did not think it was possible)! This Storm Breaker will surely make you laugh or at least shake your head with a smile on your face.

A Real Fat Man

If a real fat man snatches you up and throws you in a bag do not be afraid. It's just Santa collecting his hos. I'm texting you from the bag now!!!!

I burst out laughing at that silly lady. Like I said my cousin is stoopid! Merry Christmas and enjoy your holidays ;-)

Peace & Blessings...

Outside Your Door...

2010-12-16T11:13:00.000-05:00

I am standing outside your door. Thinking, contemplating, trying to get up the nerve to move this...somewhere. Forward? Backward? I am not sure but I am sure that it is time to make it move somewhere other than here. My new-found confidence has left me in this place of needing to surrender or retreat. Needing to know a feeling of reciprocity or walking away in retreat, not defeat.

This is not defeat because the time spent together will forever be pleasant memories that bring smiles to my face. Memories of burning holes in the dance floor hardwoods and wiping sweat as we dipped, stepped and swayed to different rhythms from around the world.

Here I stand outside your door. A woman simply asking a question. Talk to me?

Smiles, Salsa and Sweet Memories

2010-12-07T07:04:00.003-05:00

These past few weeks have been absolutely wonderful! My ladies Salsa group has performed a few times around town in the past week and they are an absolute riot to be around. I have so many wonderful memories with them. I am truly blessed to have been invited to join their group.

The original routine that I learned after joining this group was tough for me. I had to learn to lead and in doing so became responsible for memorizing the routine, the hits on beat and keeping time with the music. As a lead, if you mess up you also mess up the follower who is dancing with you. No pressure there!

I LOVE this routine, maybe because it is my original routine with the group. We danced to the Swedish group I mentioned here and as promised I am delighted that I finally have video! We were missing 4 ladies (2 couples) but it was a fun night.

We also performed at a family friendly daytime event. There was a toddler there who 'bounced' on beat to the lesson. Absolutely adorable.

We have the debut of the new routine this weekend with the big three day conference and everyone is excited. Life is still good. I am enjoying each day and there is still a constant smile that seems to creep its way to my face. I am not sure how or when I got here but I am certainly enjoying the moment.

Hope all is well with you blog family!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...(Holiday Edition)

2010-12-01T07:54:00.001-05:00

My Thanksgiving week was great. I slept in, went to bed early, played with the furbaby, danced (of course) and caught up with some family and friends. I even started replacing the outlets in my house. I was so proud of myself for that one.

I don't do Black Friday or anything that involves crowds of that magnitude. I'll wait for a few weeks, everyone will be broke and the sales will return.

I'm planning the next dance event. Follow us on FB for a discount to the next one in January.

I called a few bluffs over the Thanksgiving week with a few men. If you're not willing to put in the work please keep moving. Serious inquiries only...

Speaking of 'men' my (former) Addiction called to wish me a Happy Belated Birthday. I sent him to voice mail and he actually left a message. After a few days I sent a text thanking him for the belated birthday wish which he responded hoping I enjoyed my birthday. I chose not to keep the conversation going. I am not cruel or heartless and wanted to acknowledge his call but do not want to fall under his spell again.

I have three performances in the next weeks with my Salsa group. Hopefully I can record at least one of them. Those routines are bad! (in a good way ;)

I came out of my holiday slump this year. I adore the holiday season, starting with my birthday it is one big celebration until New Year's Day. For the past few years I kind of boycotted the holidays. I felt they were 'tainted' after the divorce but this year I cleaned out my storage closet, threw out all of the remnants and smiled to myself as I put up my Christmas decorations. I still LOVE the holiday season, I guess this means I am officially moving on with my life.

I know it's the holiday season when I see my favorite commercials. I LOVE this one:

And of course this one cracks me up. Their marketing people are genius!

Life is good right now. I am happy with the way things are going. My events are showing promise, my performance group has potential to make me a professional dancer and I have a smile on my face.

Hope you are enjoying your holiday season as well!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Birthday Reflections 2010...Part II

2010-11-23T11:00:00.000-05:00

I did something a little different this year. My birthday weekend started out with my first event on Friday. We competed with three other events and the opening night of the Potter movie but we did well all things considered. The feedback has been mostly positive so far and the Sangria I whipped up the night before went really quickly! (The marinated apple slices from the white sangria were a big hit :) HA!

The REAL hit was the tres leches cake I picked up from the spanish bakery near the job. I was a little leery when they messed up my order but the replacement cake was fabulous! A line formed as I cut it and everyone wanted to know where I got it. It was delicious!

Friday was great. Plenty of dance floor space, great music and a happy crowd. I had to tell a few people who hit up the beverage dispensor that it was not filled with punch, LOL! It was a great night and a good party. Of course we went out to grab food after we closed which meant I crawled into my bed at a whopping 4 am. After being up for almost 24 hours I used Saturday to recoop. My body was mad at me! I could barely move. I slept most of the day and hardly ate but it was so worth it.

Sunday I finally met the man behind the cupcakes! Fellow blogger Darius, Mr. Everyday Cookin' himself, was visiting the area and I met the crew for brunch at a popular breakfast spot. He is a joy to be around and I am glad I got the chance to sit, talk and laugh with him. We had a celeb sighting and enjoyed the view of Mr. Weber made famous by the Fab Five as he enjoyed his food at the next table over. I do not have a photo of Mr. Weber (who looked great, BTW) but I do have a photo with Darius, check out the cupcakes ;-) LOL!

I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of well wishes and love. There are many more photos that I am keeping to myself :) I so enjoyed my weekend and thank you to everyone who came out to my kick-off event. That is one memory I will cherish for a lifetime. On to the holiday season ...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

My Birthday Reflections 2010

2010-11-21T07:47:00.001-05:00

This year has been...great, good and horrible all in one neat little package. I have learned that love is not always what you expect and that tingling in the pit of your stomach is not love. I have learned that family will always be there for you even when you turn your back on them. I have learned that REAL friends pick you up when you fall, stand behind you to push you when you stop walking and encourage you along the way. I have learned that REAL friends cheer you on but also tell you when you're wrong.

This year, as I look back and reflect on the past 365 days, as I look back on the party I threw last year and the people who surrounded me to celebrate. I am thrilled that 99% of those people are still in my life. They are still cheering with me, performing with me and want the best for me. I have added new people to the circle and added new activities to my favorite things to do.

I now know to listen to my gut, that little voice that speaks to you louder than anyone else. I know to let go when that voice tells me to, I know to be still and be patient when I don't know what else to do. I know to follow that gut instinct when people try to convince me they know what's better for me than I do. And yes, I know who I am, know what I want and I will not compromise that.

I have learned so much this year. I am coming to terms with the fact that I may never be someone's mother but I plan to be one hell of an Aunt. I am coming to terms that I will travel and see the world even if it is with my cousin instead of a male partner. I am coming to terms with the fact I love jeans and sneakers more than I like dresses and heels. And I LOVE big curly hair more than I like straight, flat and sleek looks.

I am coming to to terms with the woman I am, the woman I was and the woman I am destined to be...

Yes, there was a wicked birthday party. Photos will be posted soon (well, the ones that are safe to post ;)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...(I Thought)

2010-11-15T08:14:00.000-05:00

I thought my family would be traveling to my city for Thanksgiving and Christmas. There was a change of plans. Instead of our traditional large gathering, there will only be four family members together for Thanksgiving. I can't remember the last time that happened.

I thought I would be in a better position in my career at this point. I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up but I am trying to have fun as I figure it out.

I thought my event would go off without a hitch (the event planner in me should have known better) now thanks to a shady location owner my event may be in jeopardy. A week before it takes place...and this too shall pass. We shall laugh about it later when the event is a rousing success...SIGH. Pray for me and my 'Dream Team' please?

I thought I would take a dating hiatus and be by myself for a while. One of my boys laughed at me and said, "Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts. Men will come out of the woodwork!" He wasn't right about the "woodwork" part but I have said "No,thank you" a lot lately.

I thought I would feel better about being an Aunt. My sister is pregnant again and complaining. I was fed up with the complaining and told her to just be happy and enjoy it. She has no idea how many women would absolutely adore to be in her shoes with her "oops babies" that her and my brother-in-law did not plan. Enjoy it...cause there a lot of women out there who can't do it!!! Then I had to get off the phone and wooooossssaaaahhhh. It's not her fault, I was just pissed at the complaining.

I thought I would not be able to handle it when my former Addiction contacted me. I knew it would happen eventually, people always have to try, right? I looked at his request, let it sit in my inbox and deleted it a day later. *fist pump* I think I am moving on. One step at a time.

I thought I would try something different with the man-magnet tresses. My poor tresses were dry and catching hell from the weather change. I whipped up a batch of whipped shea butter with shea, mango, coconut and a dash of rosemary oil. Put the tresses in small twists and man...that is some good stuff! The tresses are soft and shiny. Even my accomplice on Saturday noticed the "shine and volume." (Was given the side-eye for the volume comment, LOL!)

I thought I had lost a friendship with my cousin. We grew up together but grew apart when my mother moved me to another state. Recently I got word from him through his father, who told my mother to tell me to call him :) It was soooo good to talk, laugh and just hear his voice. He was indeed one of my first brothers (along with his brother) and some things the spirit needs. His voice and laughter definitely lifted my spirit. Small world, he lives a few doors down from my sister. Guess where I will be on my next visit?

Enough of my ranting...I have a huge stack of things to do this week before my vacation week.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Gearing Up for the Debut

2010-11-10T07:03:00.003-05:00

After working and nurturing my idea for almost 2 years I was a nervous wreck when I launched the marketing campaign and went live with the first event. I can not tell you how many times I checked the social media pages to see if we had followers, if anyone RSVP'd to the event online. I have never been that nervous in my life.

Then it happened.

Slowly people began to respond. They began to ask questions. Other people started to post on their pages they would be attending the kick off event. That made me kick up my marketing efforts a few notches. Every bit of what I learned in PR and Communications over the past 10 years began to go into overdrive. I started to put personal touches on the evites. I began to reach out to the maybe respondents and get them to say yes.

I began to really believe in my product.

These past few weeks have been nerve wrecking, fulfilling and joyous. I have planned many events in the past and none of them compare to the emotion I have wrapped up in this one. I have worked into the wee hours of the night, sent emails and phone calls to make this event a success.

And you know what? I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Since this line of events is a Salsa dance night, I thought it only appropriate to attach one of my favorite salsa tunes. Enjoy this mellow groove. This band is one of my favorites, no worries...I will feature them soon:

(I must send a very sincere thank you to Charles at the Illuminate Darkness Experiment for the wonderful Logo, he is truly talented. Stop by his spot and check him out)

Until Next Time,

Enjoy each and every day God gives you...

Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...(Really?)

2010-11-03T08:09:00.003-05:00

All of your emails can not be urgent. If they are, maybe you should REALLY reconsider your definition of urgent?

I have gone through some emotional and spiritual healing. Some people did not make the cut. Such is life, really.

No raises, again for the third year and furloughs on top of that? Really? At least it is only one furlough day this year.

I REALLY thought I was ready for love to enter my life again and it seems I have met the last men in my city that want to 'take things slow and get to know me' and I am speechless. Enjoying every minute of it but...speechless.

I am really trying to get my fears under control. One step at a time, one day at a time. Fear is really a powerful motivator.

I went skating for the first time since 4th grade. Yeah, you read that right, the 4th grade. My accomplice skates every Sunday and let's just say KayC provided the entertainment and busted my ass! My accomplice? Skated over, helped me up, made sure I was ok before cracking up and telling me to keep going. Yeah...it was a funny night. Watching my accomplice skate was poetry in motion...REALLY!!!!

In speaking with a few male friends over the past few years I now realize that men and women face the same issues with dating and relationships. Men meet fake women and women meet fake men. Why is that 'real' men and 'real' women can not seem to meet each other? Especially before the 'fake' ones get to them and mess them up? REALLY?!?!?! Food for thought...it is a vicious cycle.

I finally realized men and women are not different. We all want the same thing (at least most of us) and that is to be treated well, with respect and care. Although there is a minority that is out there blazing trails reminiscent of General Sherman's march to the sea. Take your time, follow your gut and you can better tell the difference between the two.

Working in event planning/marketing/communications feels like banging my head against a brick wall sometimes. You give people a response to their requests and they want the opposite. Sigh....REALLY such a waste of my time.

When my divorce was final, the only thing I took was my name back. It REALLY irks me when people refer to me with the old name. Especially since he is married and there is another 'Mrs' now. Can you please get it right people? Geesh!

I'm really trying to stay positive and I realized this Random Thunderstorm is a vent....REALLY!!! LMAO ;-)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

The 'Why' Behind it All

2010-10-28T08:48:00.001-05:00

There are so many times when we ask "why."

Why did this happen to me?

Why am I here?

Why did that not work out?

We ask the "why" to try to gain understanding. To make sense of the non-sense that is happening around us. And we often become frustrated waiting on the answer while trying to understand the process. Struggling with where we are in relation to where we want to be. We forget that God knows what He is doing even when we do not. We forget that sometimes we are so busy wanting and trying to have the things that are not meant for us that we taking ourselves farther away from the path we should be walking.

I am beyond guilty of this.

I wanted someone who did not want me. Who wanted to play with my emotions and fulfill his needs. I wanted a better job with better pay when I was exactly where I needed to be to meet the people I needed to meet. I kept putting my bright ideas on hold while struggling to fulfill dreams other people had for me. I know I will never be a VP in corporate America. I know this because I have zero interest in obtaining those goals, that is not my dream for myself.

My dreams are slowly unfolding themselves to me in a way that is undeniable. My dreams and the 'why' I am in this moment is becoming clear to me. I walked the long way to my destination because I needed to clean out the old to make room for the new. I needed the confidence and contacts that I lacked while pursuing someone else's dream for me.

I am getting to the answer on my 'why' - are you getting to yours?

Until Next Time,

Peace & Blessings...

Introducing...The NEW Venture!!!

2010-10-22T07:00:00.004-05:00

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” - Herman Cain

I have been told numerous times that I need to find something I enjoy doing. I need to find the thing that makes me happy, that I would do free and then find a way to get paid doing it. I have been 'working' full time since I was fifteen years old and I have finally found it.

I am beyond myself to introduce my newest entrepreneurial venture. Follow us on Facebook or Blogger or Twitter. Stalk us PLEASE!!! This company was destined to be in existence. There were people who encouraged me without knowing it, people who told me I was on the right track without knowing I was working on a company that would do exactly what they were complaining about.

I have managed to combine all of my hobbies and the things I love to do. By divine intervention I have combined my love of event planning, great music and wonderful dancing to birth a company that truly makes me happy.

I often wondered why I was meeting so many people who had diverse occupations, careers and love of the arts.

Now I know.

I know each of these people were placed in my path for specific reason and each of them are more than happy to help me succeed. Every person I reached out to offered to help me without hesitation and for that I am truly thankful.

I am thankful that I waited out the misery to find the 'why' I took the long path to my destination. Hopefully, you will also join me in this wonderful journey. I have two events in the works and working on a proposal for a third. Follow me in one of the social networking sites to stay updated and hopefully attend a few events.

Trust me when I say you do NOT want to miss any of them and I would say that even if this was NOT my company ;-) There are big things in the works and I plan to enjoy each and every one of them.

God is awesome! (and so is my Dream Team :)

Until Next Time,

Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker... Special Church Announcement

2010-10-18T07:00:00.000-05:00

This Storm Breaker comes from one of my favorite Salseros. I read it via text message and burst out laughing. I normally do not post Storm Breakers so close together but since this one is rather *clears throat* time sensitive, I thought I better post it now. It made me laugh every time I thought about it.

Church Announcements

Special Church Announcement - Effective IMMEDIATELY the choir will no longer be allowed to sing HE TOUCHED ME on Sunday morning - Sincerely, Bishop Long

I've been quiet on this whole scandal BUT - come on! You KNOW that was funny as all hell!!!! I was KILLING myself ;-) WHEW!!!! (still wiping tears of laughter and trying to catch my breath)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...Giving Up Wine

2010-10-15T07:00:00.002-05:00

Another Storm Breaker from one of my silly friends ...Enjoy!!!

Giving up Wine

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago,' the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. 'I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Tired, Content but Happy

2010-10-05T08:47:00.000-05:00

These past few weeks have been extremely busy and my body is mad at me. My weekend started on Friday night with my first official performance with my Salsa performance group. As first performances go, it went okay with two minor hiccups. Not a great performance but it was not bad either. C'est la vie.

After the performance we quickly changed clothes and walked down a few blocks to grab a bite to eat before dancing until my feet and legs said 'no mas!' I met a few new people and danced a wicked cha-cha with a white guy in cowboy boots. Yep, I said cowboy boots and he was jammin! My best dance of the night :)

Saturday I started all over again with a Tango/Salsa infusion class and a Puerto Rican on 2 class. Loved the Tango class and incorporated a few new moves in my freestyle Salsa. After class, I had a business meeting (still working on that business idea) and grabbed more food before going home to shower and return to dance the night away. Met a few more new people, danced with the ones from the night before and absorbed the atmosphere. You never know who you will bump into. Met people from Florida, Boston, New York, Texas and North Carolina. Gotta love the Salsa dance floor.

The weekend ended with a Telemundo event performance with a local Salsa singer at one of the malls. That was a lot of fun. I thought it was hilarious that the Venezuela born singer had three women of color as his background salsa dancers. Love that diversity. You can look him up here. His song 'Down' is really catchy and had me singing for the rest of the night. Check it out. Download it from iTunes.

If that was not enough, we left the performance and had a 3 hour dance rehearsal. As my body is very upset with me today I look back on the memories and photos from the weekend and smile to myself.

Thankful, happy and looking forward to the next Salsa congress weekend in December. Like a kid waiting on Christmas...

Until Next Time,

Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...The Breakfast Song

2010-09-21T11:05:00.002-05:00

I know I have been neglecting The Storm. I have been licking wounds, toughening up, closing business deals and working on a great business venture that has me looking forward to 2011 and the years beyond. I am still learning that even though life is not predictable, it teaches, molds and shapes you into a better person. It places you exactly where you need to be at the precise moment you need to be there. I found this in my 'draft' box and thought if it was funny to me then, it should be funny to you now.

Today I introduce The Breakfast Song to The Quiet Storm. A friend played this for me and after my initial shock of 'this has to be joke' I laughed until I cried. I know this is a really old clip and long (almost 5 minutes) but it made me laugh so I am passing it along so you can as well...Enjoy!!!

Grapes of Nuts? And Beef Stew? For BREAKFAST?!?!? No wonder Americans are overweight! He was jammin' though...her? Not so much!

Peace & Blessings...

Names and Numbers (Call Me Five)

2010-09-13T06:11:00.002-05:00

I have the urge to expand my social circles. Even with my regular job, Salsa classes, two performance groups and hanging out at various venues around town I sometimes feel like this metropolitan area is way too small.

I have my regular spots where I hang out (sadly, a few of those closed recently), my dance spots where I know a good many Salseros/Salseras and my chill spots. Lately all of my worlds are starting to mix which fuels my desire to expand.

I attended a monthly Latin Night at a new lounge-type restaurant (new to me, anyway). I kept hearing about the nice atmosphere and the good food and drinks so I ventured out to check out the scene. In my haste to find a new chill spot I forgot how late my Latino crowd arrives at places.

If I was prepared for a club type atmosphere, this would have been great but I went to dance. What I got was three Salsa songs every rotation with a LOT of Merengue and Reggaeton. That night had more Merengue than I have heard in my three years as a Salsera! Reggaeton is cool with me when it is on the reggae side not when it is on the latin rap spectrum and the DJ played a LOT of latin rap.

I think I heard 8 Salsa songs all night which was dissappointing but my friend and I had a great conversation with the promoter. He had an interesting story and also danced Salsa. Our dance reminded me how badly I need to replace my dance shoes and take a few LA Style classes. I kept losing my balance and stepping off the line. (I know that makes absolutely no sense to my non-Salsa blog fam) But it was really bad because I was taller than him in my 3 inch dance heels and balance is of the essence when you're doing triple turns!

We managed to laugh at our dance experience and the night (although a little eccentric) was different and exactly what I needed.

The title is homage to the promoter, who goes by a number instead of his 'slave, government name' which had me cracking up. We got into a conversation on numerology and I decided to look up my name and dive a little deeper. My curiosity always seems to get the best of me.

I think it is pretty accurate though...KayC will now go by the name 'Five' at nightlife venues ;) Maybe I'll get creative and spell it like this, 5ive!

What your first name means: Female Knowledge. Can also be a blend of meaning royal obligation; clear water and protector of man, or manly or masculine. Female Prophetess.

Your number is: 5

The characteristics of #5 are: Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.

The expression or destiny for #5:
The number 5 Expression endows with the wonderful characteristic of multi-talents and versatility. You can do so many things well. The tone of the number 5 is constructive freedom, and in your drive to attain this freedom, you will likely be the master of adaptability and change. You are good at presenting ideas and knowing how to approach people to get what you want. Naturally, this gives you an edge in any sort of selling game and spells easy success when it comes to working with people in most jobs. Your popularity may lead you toward some form of entertainment or amusement. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker.

If there is too much of the 5 energy in your makeup, you may express some the negative attitudes of the number. Your restless and impatient attitude may keep you from staying with any project for too long. Sometimes you can be rather erratic and scatter yourself and your energies. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. You tend to react strongly if you sense that your freedom of speech or action is being impaired or restricted in any way. As clever as you are, you may have a tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again because much of your response is glib reaction rather that thoughtful application. You are in a continuous state of flux brought by constantly changing interests.

Your Soul Urge number is: 9

A Soul Urge number of 9 means:
With a 9 Soul Urge, you want to give to others, usually in a humanitarian or philanthropic manner. You are highly motivated to give friendship, affection and love. And you are generous in giving of your knowledge and experience. You have very sharing urges, and you are likely to have a great deal to share. Your concern for others makes you a very sympathetic and generous person with a sensitive and compassionate nature.

You are able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms. You often express high ideals and an inspirational approach to life. If you are able to fully realize the potential of your motivation, you will be a very self-sacrificing person who is able to give freely without being concerned about any return or reward.

As with all human beings, you are prone to sometimes express the negative attitudes inherent to your Soul Urges. You may become too sensitive and tend to express emotions strongly at times. There can be significant conflict between higher aims and personal ambitions. You may resent the idea of giving all of the time and, in fact, if there is too much 9 energy in your nature you may reject the idea. You may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means:
You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

Copyright © 2006 Paul R. Sadowski (http://www.paulsadowski.com)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...Truly Random

2010-09-03T06:55:00.002-05:00

Just a few random things going through my head...

Would you rather love someone more or have them love you more? Truthfully speaking, someone is always in a relationship deeper than the other person.

I am looking forward to dancing with my Salsa performance group. Those ladies work it on the dance floor! I am honored to have been asked to join them. My first dance performance is coming soon. Dame mas baila!!!!

The summer is over. My free Fridays went way too fast.

Traveling is now in my blood and I can not wait for my next 'sistergirl trip' - Vegas, Western Caribbean or Bermuda?

I have a business venture up my sleeve that combines the hobbies that I love. I've sat on this idea for a while and think it is time to put my plan in motion. My giddiness is contagious :)

Months have passed since I visited my siblings and my niece, time to head south. I wonder if Ellie is getting old enough to remember me?

Thinking about another "Scorpio Celebration" this year but have no idea where I would host it.

I was told I'm Awesome with a capitol A! Now if only the man who told me that was actually available and did not have a girlfriend. The role of "The Other Woman" will not be played by KayC.

I have kicked my Addiction and although it was not easy on my head or my heart, it was the right thing to do for me, my love life and my future.

I helped my first Salsa Instructor teach ladies footwork. (I still had hard time saying "thank you" when they said I was a great dancer) Enjoyed teaching though.

In this recession how do people afford to eat out and buy new cars? I've nixed EVERYTHING off my extra-curricular list.

Misery loves company. Yes, I stopped giving advice because you did not listen and now you want to talk. KayC is not available right now, please refer to notes from our previous conversations. Trust me, the topic has NOT changed!

When did rompers come back in style? With stilettos? That you can NOT walk in? (know I offended a few folks there, let's move on)

I could care less about LeBron, Kobe or Tiger. None of them are putting food on my table or making my bed shake. Once again, moving right along...

I have been dealing with a few 'issues' right now. Trying my best to let them go, they will all work out in due time.

The more Spanish I learn, the more French I forget. Ma française est très rouillé maintenant.

I am in need of a good read, someone make a suggestion.

My furbaby needs friends to play with. Dogs are pack animals and he needs a pack. Toying with the idea of getting a puppy when the finances level out.

My boys celebrated their birthdays this month. HAPPY BIRTHDAY fellas! Love you like play cousins! I hate missing the festivities, this is the LAST year they celebrate without me.

I've been introduced to Frangelico, If you ever want to send KayC something a bottle will do nicely and yeah, Goose would be a nice substitute.

Was out dancing and hit the floor with a friend who is a salsa instructor. This lady walked up and started mumbling in Spanish. My friend (a black guy with long locks) said he never gets mistaken for Cuban, that was a first. I laughed and said it was me, it happens to me all the time!

What's with the heat? I am a Southern girl but dang! I must keep living right, If I can't handle the summer I sure can't handle Hell!!!

I am in love...with ME! The position of my love interest has been filled by moi and I am not hiring or accepting applications for team tryouts. No, I am not sure when tryouts will be held for the team. Check the web site for future openings.

I danced at a new venue (new to me anyway) and I met some wonderful people and danced with a few of my favorite partners. LOVE you all...they are my Salsa family. They put a smile on my face and make me forget the world. As long as there is Salsa, Merengue or Bachata playing, they rock my world!!! (Cue, MJ song ;)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Diggin' Calle Real

2010-08-23T07:31:00.004-05:00

Dancing in the Salsa scene has introduced me to a variety of music and people. I have learned so much about Salsa, Timba, Guaguancó and dancing on 1, 2 and Cuban style that my head spins sometimes.

Ironically I have only scraped the tip of the iceburg in studying Afro-Cuban and Cuban music. It amazes me where music has roots and what types of music gives birth to something different. My latest introduction is ironically a Swedish band (yes, I said Swedish) that is in my Salsa rotation constantly. They go by the name Calle Real (Cal-lay Ray-al) and technically they are a Timba band.

My Salsa performance group is currently performing to a remixed version of this song:

This band is BAD baby! They have breakdowns that would normally be found in R&B music and the lead singer's voice has a great tone. My performance group Director loves this group, so much in fact that our next routine is also to one of their songs.

I am adding them to the list of bands I want to see in person. The clips on the web are really good. Funny how few bands today can perform live. Looking forward to seeing them rock it like this in person:

Now that you are a little familiar with Calle Real, if you heard this band was coming to your city. Would you buy a ticket and go? Would you let the rhythm make you move and have a great night or would you pass on this maybe once in a lifetime opportunity and stay home doing the same things you have always done? Would you jam in the crowd even if you could not understand the words?

Come on blog fam, give me some feedback!

P.S. - Their music can be downloaded from their web site, Amazon or iTunes. Expand your music database and your playlists.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...The Lawyer VS The Blonde

2010-08-19T06:50:00.003-05:00

First I would like to say WELCOME to the new followers! Hope you settle in, stay awhile and comment until your heart is content. Now, back to business...This Storm Breaker was brought to yours truly by none other than my supervisor. Yep, that was a first...Enjoy!

The Lawyer VS The Blonde

A lawyer boarded a plane in New Orleans bound for Los Angeles with a small box of frozen crabs. Upon entering the plane he gives the box to the blonde flight attendant and says, "These crabs are frozen. When we get to LA they better remain frozen or I will have your job!"

The flight attendant takes the box and replies nicely, "I will place them in the compartment next to the pilot. They will be fine, Sir."

After an uneventful flight, landing at the LA airport and taxing to the gate the flight attendant announces over the intercom, "Will the man who gave me crabs in New Orleans please report to the front of the cabin so I can return them. Thank you and welcome to Los Angeles!"

Guess the blonde won that battle! Have a great weekend ;-)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

The Right Person AND The Right Time

2010-08-13T07:00:00.001-05:00

"I have wanted to be married. It just has to be the right time and the right person. I have met plenty of 'right' people at the wrong time and have had the 'right time' with the wrong people. I am hoping to have both."

This was a statement made by someone during a dinner date. He is older by a number of years and was explaining to me why/how a successful man in his forties has never been married, has no children and has only come close to being engaged once. Especially in a city where it is beat into our brains that black women outnumber black men by a million fifty-eleven to one (my southern girl creeps in sporadically :-)

I started thinking about the right time and the right person. Has there been a right time and a wrong person or a right person and the wrong time? I have been told on a few occasions that I am great catch but there is so much going on in their life they can not commit right now. I always took that as a man's way of letting me down easy. Then I would become confused because I could not remember asking them to settle down or commit to me outside of a dinner or a few drinks.

Sometimes a woman just wants to entertain the thought of a man's company. There are times when a woman would like nothing better than to sit across from someone she considers really easy on the eyes and have a good conversation over a great meal. Is it possible for a man to understand that?

If I know your finances are tight and I want your company, I will offer to pay for it. I am not expecting anything in return outside of your company, vertically. Why? Because I enjoy you. I enjoy you not because I am trying to wait on you, trap you, make you commit to me and start a relationship with you but because I simply enjoy your company, conversation and presence!

There are times when I want to enjoy the right person until the right time comes along. Then maybe my right time will become your right time (a la Darius in 'Love Jones'). Ha!

If our right times never come at the same time? It is fine with me and guess what? We will have great memories and good conversations to hold onto and take with us as our journey continues. Those two things I know for sure.

(P.S. - In case you're wondering that photo above is of the quintessential couple who could never find the right time with the right person. Handing out cool points if you can name the couple made timeless by this classic film. MAD cool poins if you know their real names :)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Fall Cleaning, No Longer Addicted

2010-08-09T07:09:00.004-05:00

I was asked by email if I could ever give up my Addiction. Without thinking about it I answered "YES!" He is not the man I need to be with, he is not the man who will give me the unconditional love I seek, he is not the man...for me. Period.

I know this. I have known this since month 3 and continued to have him in my life for over a year and a half. Why? Honestly, because having him in my life for a few nights a month was better than being alone. Having him for a few nights allowed me to pretend that he was mine. Allowed me to pretend there was a man who loved me, stroked my hair and cuddled with me while we slept. Even if it was not true. We were using each other, and I have stopped it. Permanently, for good. Period.

I have walked away from my Addiction. On my own accord, without the advice from friends or the push from anyone. I have cut all ties with no explanation because by the time he realizes I am gone I will be strong enough to keep walking when he calls me to return. There is no one else, no one who will fill the empty nights left by him or fill the empty spot on my sofa the few nights he handed out when he felt ready. Somehow, I will get through them.

I am taking great care to clear out the imperfections in my life. My personal life was first, now I am working on my finances and somewhere in all of that I am continuing to find this woman. She is phenomenal, sweet, compassionate, loving, a great dancer who gives her all and deserves the same in return.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Learning The Lesson...Do You Remember?

2010-08-05T10:31:00.005-05:00

I was listening to the radio one morning as they awarded a single mother with a gift certificate to do some back to school shopping for her son. Her finances were tight and her son got into a fight at school when someone recognized his shirt from the second hand store. The radio personalities tried to make light of the situation but it struck a nerve with me because it made me remember.

I remember growing up in a large metro area after my mother moved me from a small city where I attended a private Christian school with a strict dress code. I remember moving into the 'hood and thinking how much I just wanted to go 'back home' with my family and friends. I remember being made fun of because school started 3 weeks prior to my arrival and the 'cliques' and 'friend circles' had already been established. Today it is considered 'bullying.'

I remember going into Junior High and being bused across town to help with the racial disparities and my shock when my friends spoke of back to school shopping. I was lucky to get a new backpack, and went without one for a few years. I remember my wardrobe and the few items it consisted of and my cousins who had recently moved into the area cleaning out their closets and giving me clothing.

I remember the feeling of my first job and the freedom of a paycheck. I remember getting a car at a buy here, pay here lot and paying my car payment, insurance and a few bills around the house. I remember working full time my junior and senior year of high school and getting a second 'part-time job' during the summer to save up for school. All of this before the age of 17.

I remembered all of this as I contemplate the little I have against what I perceive others to have. I remember thinking how I catapulted into the so-called middle class when my mother's generation was working class poor with little education.

I need to remember my upper middle-class and lower upper-class associates come from college educated parents and grandparents while my family grew up poor with holes in the ceiling, the roof and one kerosene heater to heat the house. I need to remember that my mother owned her first home in her 40s while I purchased mine in my 30s. I need to remember that this piece of paper hanging on my wall in a fabulous frame with four signatures and a seal means so much more than I think it does, even if I will pay on student loans until I'm 50.

Although many times I forget, and it takes my cousins to help me remember, I do remember. The humble beginnings and hopefully the fruitful endings.

I remember...do you remember?

Throwing in the video for an encore presentation as I continue to tackle my trees. Remember not to become so involved in running your race that you forget the purpose, what you have already accomplished and how far you have traveled. Today, I remember.

I still LOVE this video. It will never get old to me.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

I Moved...Did you? Baila!

2010-08-02T09:51:00.005-05:00

National Day of Dance has come and gone. Did you move? I DID!

Part of my movement was cut short when I had to meet a fellow performer to get my top to wear to the National Day of Dance Festival. But I more than made up for it later :)

I made my debut with my Salsa performance dance team. We participated at a festival in one of the more popular areas of town. It was sponsored by a local television station and they had many performances and dance schools present.

It was blazin' hot and by the time our time slot came around I was soaked! Since we did not have enough ladies to perform our routine, we had our Salsa dance school Director come out with us and conduct a Salsa lesson. The crowd seemed to love the first song but by song two...let's just say the 100 degrees in the shade was too much for them.

I don't know if you watch the show that started the MOVE movement but the guys who performed the robot pop lock routine went on stage after we did. Let's just say they were even more phenomenal in person than on television. As I stated before, the temperature was hovering around 100 in the shade and they had on complete gear and performed for the entire 15 minutes. My group wore tanks and shorts and my tank was soaked by the middle of our first song! I give them major props for that one! The crowd really enjoyed them.

After sweating off about 5 pounds of water weight I made it home in time to walk the furry one, relax a little and drive to my next engagement. It was the birthday party of one of my Salseros. Let me preface this by saying, their parties are good old fashioned house parties and they are invite only. I am not sure how I got on this coveted list but after attending my first party, these are a must!

They are invite only because they feed you, supply the adults 'spirits' and beverages and then move the tables out and party! When I say they feed you, they fire up the grill and put on steak, tortillas and shrimp kabobs. You wrap it up with this freshly made salsa, slap on some beans and eat until your heart is content! That is the BEST cook out I have been to and not only is the food flowing, but we could not help with anything! The Southern girl in me kept asking him to sit down and let us help, his response was "No, I like doing this. Did you have enough to eat? EAT! EAT!"

After the tables are moved out of the house, the lights are turned off, the disco ball is cranked up (yes, I said disco ball) and the DJ hits the tunes. My people of color may have invented the house party, but my Latino family perfected it! After the traditional Birthday rueda, there was a really large Tres Leches cake. Tres leches cake is the most delightfully rich and moist cake I have ever tried. After all of the eating at the beginning of the night, everyone has cake, more to drink and dances until....well, the last person drops! I have always called it quits early and never witnessed 'the end' myself. Their parties are better than any club I have stepped foot into.

In case you need proof, here is a short clip when the 'dance floor' was relatively empty. The dj was playing a merengue song (Salseros rest on merengue songs :) and the dance floor is considered empty at this point...

Yes, that is a Merengue version of In Da' Club and they were jammin to it! You know it's a good party when they give up on the air conditioning and just open the back door and hook up the fans. We danced, laughed, drank and sweat up a storm until the early hours of the day. I had wonderful Mojitos and on my way home I could not stop the smile that had found its place on my face as I celebrated with wonderful people on my National Day of Dance.

So, enough about my day. What did you do?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Baila! (Dance!) - National Dance Day

2010-07-26T07:30:00.005-05:00

July 31 has been designated as National Dance Day by a Producer of one of the dance reality shows. The purpose is to prove that dance can MOVE an entire country. Of course I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the idea!!!!

Since the recession (are we still calling it that?) I have nixed my gym membership and replaced it with more free dance. Latin nights with my name on the list, Salsa socials, performance group rehearsals and good old fashioned house parties.

I am issuing a challenge, a double-dog dare if you will (remember those?). On Saturday, July 31 you must move! I don't care if you get up and Tango through a song (Lovebabz), get your Bob Marley on (MsKnowitAll) or shake your thang (Monique) I just want you to move. I would give you a time limit but let's face it, if you get into it you will most likely move longer then you planned anyway and that is more than average. Just get off the sofa and shake it baby!

Yours truly has great plans for July 31 and I intend to update you on what KayC did for National Dance Day. You can guarantee I will get in more than my fair share of dance and movement before the day is out ;)

Tell me blog fam....how do you plan to celebrate National Dance Day? What can you do to participate?

A little something to give you a head start. If this does not make you move nothing will! Come on, do the dance. You KNOW which one I'm talking about ;-)

I'm a fool, I know it. But you feel good don't you? Dancing and laughing...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

The Versatile Blogger Award

2010-07-19T12:57:00.003-05:00

I love gifts and I love (good) surprises! The fantabulous Mrs. Mary Mack at embellish.meant gave me the Versatile Blogger Award. Her blog is full of great stories and tales of being recently married, traveling and being a new mommy. Not to mention the great photos of FUD. (You have to visit the blog to find out who that is, LOL :)

Since this has been sitting in my 'draft' box I also received another one from Monique at Random Musings which is really funny because she is one of my recipients below. (Guess you're exempt Ms. Mo) She is documenting life as a relatively new mom balancing career, family, dating and conquering the world. Go Mo!

As a recipient of the Versatile Blogger Award I must provide 7 random facts about myself. Let's see:

1. I can perform in front of hundreds of people but have a hard time telling someone I like or love them.
2. I have a wicked sixth sense. I often contact my family/friends only to hear "How did you know?"
3. I am Ms. Fix-It. I will research, watch the demonstrations and fix everything myself. If a repairman is called, it means I don't have access to the equipment to fix it myself!
4. I am very modest and have a hard time accepting compliments at times. Especially if it is about me being really good at something.
5. I am terrified of being operated on or being put to sleep. If you can't do when I'm awake it will not be done!
6. I have no idea of what I want to be when I grow up.
7. If I could make a living out of dancing I would happily do it.

Now I must pass this award to 15 bloggers. Of course I will break the rules and give this honor to the following:

Monique - Random Musings of My Mind
Kyle - 12th Planet
MrsTDJ - Just Another Day with Mrs. TDJ
MsKnowitAll - The Words I Type

Now the Rules (you know there are always rules!)...

For this award you are to thank and link back to the one who gave you the award, share 7 facts about yourself, and then nominate 15 others who you think are versatile.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Learning the Lesson...You Know What He Did

2010-07-12T08:12:00.005-05:00

It is amazing the small details the mind remembers at different moments. The customer service seminar I mentioned here had a variety of really funny but meaningful quotes and videos. For the life of me I can not remember how the presenter led into this video or why/how it had relevance to our seminar.

Why am I bringing this up now? Because on a dreary workday afternoon when the world has beaten me up and I feel battered and bruised I remember my friend MoA. Whenever I check on him he always says things will work out because he is blessed and it makes me want to let it all go. Today as I try to let it all go I search for something funny. That search led me back to my memories on the customer service seminar and an amusing clip that made me laugh from memory and I am happy that I found it to share with the blog family.

This right here...is funny. REALLY funny :)

(Didn't know if this should be a 'Learning a Lesson' or a 'Storm Breaker.' So let's call it both - ENJOY!)

He is absolutely adorable. I can only imagine how he makes his parents stay on their toes. Almost makes me want to try to have one...ALMOST! ;)

Moral of the Story - It is never as bad as you think it is. Five hundred people can view the exact same situation five hundred different ways.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Dating Dads

2010-07-06T07:15:00.003-05:00

I am a daddy magnet.

Since my re-entry into the dating world I have only met two men who did not have children (recently met another, count stands at 3). Most of them have more than one (the average seems to hover around 2) and many of the children are pre-teen to teenagers. Sometimes I think I have this 'mommy potential' stamp on my forehead because I have never heard of so many men having custody or sharing custody of their children until now.

My percussionist friend has his youngest child (a very cute 8-year-old) about 5 days a week. One guy I met has custody of his oldest (17-year-old son) and working on getting custody of the youngest (15-year-old son). There was another guy who has had his son (now 18) since his mother literally dropped him off at his doorstep as a newborn and walked away. I've already mentioned the DJ friend who had his son for most of the summer and there is my Addiction who has his youngest two (13 and 11) very regularly.

I was not raised with my father. There was no one-on-one daddy duty when I was growing up. If it was not for the woman in my father's life throughout the majority of my childhood I am not sure how much I would have seen him. Because of that, I think I am attracted to men who take their daddy duty seriously. It is something I find extremely attractive and enduring. Especially the daddy hairstyles :-)

Dating a dad has limitations. They must arrange for sitters and cut nights short to relieve sitters. Many times their spontaneity must be planned. Schedules and school days are taken into consideration when dates are made. I have agreed to lunch and brunch dates when I would have much preferred dinner, drinks and dancing.

Yes, I am guilty of meeting dad after bed time. Let me not make a habit of that!

I love the daddy part of the men I meet but sometimes as a woman without children I would love to meet someone who has the freedom in their schedule that I have. Not having to worry about the children's mother and meeting other family that a man without children does not have. I wonder if that is possible at this age? When can I get this 'mommy potential' stamp cleaned off my forehead?

At least for a little while, maybe?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Giddiness Over The Last Airbender

2010-06-30T07:00:00.006-05:00

In case you did not know I have a degree in Film and Video. My love of cinema makes me keep an open mind to new shows, movies and yes, even animation. I was living with my then in-laws when I caught the very first episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I was making my former nephew observe a much needed time-out break on the sofa. He did not find it interesting but I was hooked.

Last year while indulging in my latest childhood-nostalgia-turned-summer-blockbuster-movie I saw the preview for this movie and immediately turned into a kid. Think I lost cool points with my date, he had no idea who Aang was and had the nerve to ask me what was an Airbender? (He lost cool points for that one)

I have been looking forward to this movie for a solid year. You can find the original Nick animated series here. I am a little worried about M. Knight being the producer, he is known to be a little Tarantino-esque with his thinking but the original storyline and Japanese animation were simply awesome and got better with each season. This film is sure to have a major following.

This is the original opening from the animated series. Yes, I have seen every episode. Would love to have the box set on DVD.

Intro. A clip from Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Complete Book 2 Collection. @ Yahoo! Video

This is the original full-length movie trailer (the one that had me jumping out my seat screaming at the big screen "No! Can't be...It's Aang! It's the Avatar!") does a pretty good job at explaining the characters and storyline.

This trailer is better if you like action. Not sure of the effects translating from animation to real life but it looks promising.

I think I am going to take my 11-year-old cousin, when I mentioned the film he was the only one as excited as I was. I know where I will be for at least two hours this holiday weekend :-)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Humans, Our OWN Worst Enemy

2010-06-24T11:39:00.003-05:00

The place that holds many of my childhood memories now looks like this:

I agree with the Governor of Florida, it breaks my heart to see the photos of my beloved Pensacola Beach covered in oil. This CNN article has photos of a murky brown beach that was once coveted for its white sand.

My heart remembers what it looked like and the wildlife that was always there to greet you when you stepped foot out of your car. I remember the days when my entire extended family would pack up everyone and spend the day on the white sand, playing in the waves, making burgers on the grill, the sea gulls crying for bread and the coolers (one for the adults and one for the children). I remember not even a year ago when I accompanied my sister and her hubby as we took my niece to the beach for the first time.

Sadly my sister and I stood in almost the exact same spot that a few of these photos were taken:

In my mind it will forever look like this:

Humans...so often we are our OWN worst enemy. *sigh*

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

And Like That...He's Gone

2010-06-21T07:45:00.003-05:00

I tried.

Tried to look past the things I did not like and enjoy the things I did.

Yes, he was kind. Yes, he saw me. Was understanding and patient with my damaged heart. I appreciated it. But some things can not be changed. I attended a few of his events. He is a good DJ and plays to his crowd. Almost makes it effortless but the Man Behind the Mic syndrome is funny to me. I noticed at the last event he started to stay behind the DJ table more than usual. I laughed until I cried when one chick stopped at the table and literally bent over in front of him in a barely there dress.

Really? Are we that desperate now? Wow...simply wow.

I've dealt with my issues of him being younger, having a past with one of my acquaintances and being a member of the Blue & White fam. But the son and the son's mother is pushing me over the edge.

I always attract dads, they either have custody of their children or share custody. Please don't get me wrong it is a trait I find extremely attractive but at times as a woman without children it can be frustrating. He has his son for the summer. A very hyper and rambunctious 3-year-old. I am not a fan of meeting family or children until we know what we are doing and what type of 'relationship' this it. I avoided meeting the son for weeks until he blatantly asked for me to come hang out with them.

It was way too soon.

This little boy jumped in the sofa, yelled at me to play with him, jumped and rolled in my lap and almost kicked me in the face. Thank God I have great reflexes. All dad said was 'calm down' a few times.

Ummm...ok.

I was sent barreling over the edge when dad was making lunch and I told the son to stop jumping in the sofa. He stopped jumping, looked me dead in the eye and said 'No' before continuing to jump. I knew it was time to go before I snatched this kid up and tore his little ass out the frame. I was not raised that way and could picture myself jacking him up against a wall. Who am I to discipline your child when you will not?

I am dating with a slightly different purpose now. I still date for fun and enjoyment but also to see if we fit into each others worlds. I can see myself having issue with him because of his disciplinary beliefs. Not to mention mom calls every two hours and he walks the house while talking to her. What are you saying that you can't say in front of me?

You can not be that worried or interested in your child staying with his father because he would behave much differently if you were. If you took the amount of time with him you spent calling over the summer when he is with you he would have better manners. Yes, I know what 3-year-olds are like. I taught pre-school for three years and guess what blog fam? You got it - I had the 3-year-old room complete with 21 of them.

I love children and would like to have a house filled with children's laughter. To help mold the next generation of leaders and genuine good people. But this situation?

Not good. No warm fuzzies there.

There are a lot of warning signs and this time I'm listening.

P.S. - You get MAD cool points if you can name the film that inspired the title of this post.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Damaged

2010-06-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

As I sit here waisting my life away at the DMV I decided to give this mobile blogging thing a try.

Damaged
So Damaged
I thought that I should let you know
My heart is damaged
So Damaged
And you can blame the one before....

Tell me are you up for the challenge
'Cause my heart is damaged.
Lyrics from - Danity Kane

It is true.

My heart is damaged.

In being pursued I am very honest with my suitor and myself and I know just how damaged I am. In being honest with myself I have confessed my shortcomings, explained why I like moving in tortoise speed and am leery of words. He says he understands. Looks me in the eye when he asks me to "stop running" and will tell me when I can't even realize it "you're running again."

He is patient, he is kind. I wonder if I will get tired of running before he tires of the chase. It is not done on purpose. It is almost instinct. There is no maliciousness in my running and I sincerely do not wish to hurt him. My past creeps up on me like a ninja in the night - totally unexpected and unforgiving. I have come a long way in this healing process but have a long way to go before I am fully healed. Often I wonder if I will ever heal completely?

I have emerged carefully from behind my wall a few times and immediately retreated to its safety when things became too intense too quickly. He looks at me and sees me. I wonder if what he says is true. If his actions are sincere or rehearsed.

Only time will tell.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...Six Kids

2010-06-07T07:22:00.004-05:00

Thought I would keep the mood light before tackling more issues. My sister sent this to me and I thought it was hilarious...Enjoy!!!

Six Kids

A guy boards a plane followed by six kids.

The flight attendant says "Awwww, are these your kids?"

The man responds "No. I work for Trojan, these are customer complaints!"

Awwwwww, come on. These are just jokes! :-)

Peace & Blessings...

Meditating in Mexico

2010-06-01T12:15:00.004-05:00

I found her.

I went on my very first cruise and I found myself again. I had lost her in the drama of the world and somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico I found this woman who was exhausted from wandering. She whispered in my ear and took her rightful place in my life. Like she had lived there all along and had never disappeared.

My cousin and I took our first trip 'sister girl' trip together. It was a cruise to Mexico. We went with a group of about 20-30 people and had a great time.

Before the ship left the dock

I can scratch taking a cruise off my 50 things to do list. As well as drinking tequila and Salsa dancing in Mexico. I had to convince this Cuban guy named Leo that I was not Cuban or of any Hispanic decent. He seemed convinced I was Hispanic because of the way I Salsa. I have to tell my instructor he complimented him on his teaching methods :)

Every morning I would wake up early, put on my swimsuit, hat and sunglasses and find a quiet spot on the deck to enjoy the breeze and watch the waves. There are no words to explain the feeling of being there in the moment. My phone turned on airplane mode, slow music playing softly in my ears and the serenity that came with it. No sense of time and no sense of urgency to be anywhere by a deadline.

I looked like this every day - only the swimsuit changed

My morning view looked like this

This was considered the cloudy day

I meditated, thought out some feelings/conflicts and just enjoyed myself, enjoyed the company of nice people and great drinks. Sitting alone or with a group I always met someone. Some very nice ladies from Toledo, a Jean-Claude Van Dame look-alike from Tampa, a group from Detroit and countless others.

By the time we set sail to return from our destination we knew our crew members by name and began to learn more about them. It was great to be on a smaller boat because you really get the chance to enjoy the company of new friends. You began to see the same faces and they remember you as well.

The sunset and nights with a full moon on the water were absolutely breathtaking. I would spend every evening with a group of photographers trying to capture what we were seeing on digital film. Every photo was great but did not come close to seeing it in person. Thank God my camera also does video. It took exactly 1 minute and 30 seconds for the sun to dip into the water.

The only down side is I did not get my passport stamped but this view and the sampling of tequila more than made up for it.

The ships docked in Mexico

I have learned enough Spanish to communcate in port, one lady started speaking to me in French and became really confused when I responded to that as well :)

The travel bug has bitten both my cousin and I and we are already looking for great deals and our next 'sister girl' destination.

Watch out world...here we come!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

He Called Me Out

2010-05-24T07:04:00.001-05:00

"Dating someone who is divorced requires patience," he stated. Barely above a whisper.

I looked at him side-eyed but did not respond. Wanted to see where he was going with it. Because I KNOW he was not calling me high maintenance.

"You require patience. I understand, it's cool," he said as he looked back at me side-eyed with a wicked grin on his face. "I can be patient."

"You calling me high maintenance on the sly?" I could not resist the question.

He laughed at me.

"Long way from it, Luv. You're extremely cautious. You hide behind a brick wall. Think you can put in a door or at least a window?"

His words stung.

After several moments I replied, "Guess I've made progress. The wall was covered in ice with a moat around it. I'll see what the contractor quotes me and get back to you. The window probably...but the door," I shook my head. "You may be pushing it."

He called me out.

I say I am open to love, want it and need it. Have my arms open to allow it to walk right in but when it comes down to it...I hide behind a brick wall. Since my re-entry into this dating world I have not been treated poorly but have not been treated well either. It is my fault. I have allowed men to give me bits and pieces, snacking on crumbs while nursing a huge hunger that requires a full meal.

I have allowed men to give tidbits of time as they deem fit while they carved out pieces of themselves for me and her and her. Settled for just OK when I desired more, gave more and thought having a starting lineup would help fulfill the emptiness left by the franchise player. I was approaching this all wrong...waiting on men to realize I was worthy of their time and commitment when the truth is they knew I would never be their 'one' but it did not stop me from patiently pursuing the few I chose.

But now...I am being pursued. Courted.

The very thing I write about here at The Storm and comment on various posts of fellow bloggers is happening to me.

Invites to events, having dinner cooked for me, being introduced to friends and associates. Yes, even passing the friendship test way before being more than a friend was a consideration (on my part at least).

And I am running away...

We met by chance at an event I attended with my Salsa group. It was a Christian singles event and we were invited to spark interest in Salsa before classes began at the next event. He was the DJ (another creative mind, can't seem to get away from them) and I asked for a card (always the event planner) because he was literally rocking the place. Only to find out we already knew each other in passing.

That Blue & White world is too damn small.

The conversation lured me in. He is an orator and has an amazing way with words. There is nothing like a man who can express himself. Who can give you a compliment in one breath and tell you you're trying his patience with the next and it comes across as nothing short of communication. It is not mean or angry and it leads to conversation instead of arguments.

What's the problem? I knew you would ask.

I am an old soul and he is young. Sometimes it shows. Younger than anyone I have ever dated or considered dating. Not KayC you are being a Cougar young but a good 4 years younger. And being in the Blue & White network means there is someone he has a history with that I know...pretty well.

He makes a living in the entertainment industry which I vowed to step away from. Especially after my Addiction. Women flock to Men Behind the Mike (Thanks to Mrs. Mary Mack for that term) and that lifestyle is not easy on relationships even when you do trust your partner.

He is not physically what I would go for. I am shallow...and I can call myself out on it. Actually, I am not shallow I just want the total package. Whatever that is for me. I have settled before with someone because he had a great personality and when that personality began to fade and the 'real him' came out I no longer liked him and there was nothing else to him. Nothing to spark my interest and that is not a good place to reside.

I am treading dangerous waters and I have no clue what I am going to do. But I can tell you that being pursued by someone who makes the time to do so is a wonderful feeling. Being around someone who gives you space at events but can turn around and tell you, "I know what I want and I want you. I am going to pursue you."

Great feeling indeed.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

How I'm Feeling...This Type of Love

2010-05-17T07:00:00.002-05:00

I am a hopeless romantic. Have been a member of the hopeless romantic club since I can remember. It has nothing with fairy tale books or Disney movies. My house had no real signs of healthy relationship-type love growing up, so I have no clue where this devout hopeless romantic trait has its roots. Maybe it was my desire to be the opposite, to break the cycle, to have the unattainable? My fantasies have nothing to do with a man on a white horse who whisks me away to live happily ever after.

I simply believe in love.

I believe in deep-my heart skips a beat when I see you-get butterflies when I'm walking to you-can feel the sparks when I touch you- type of love. Enduring love that makes deep kisses not deep enough and the morning rays of sunshine come way too fast-type of love. The type of love where people look at you looking at him/her and smile an all-knowing smile because you can't hide it type of love.

I want that type of love.

I need that type of love.

One day it will find me...this type of love:

Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Lets let true love connect lets try lasting together

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give til' the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, love
Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love
Lets take two golden bands and lets walk down the isle, love
I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
and I'm so ready to give til' the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical american shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Let's Hear It For the Boys

2010-05-10T07:00:00.015-05:00

I have few friends in life. Do not get me wrong, my life is rich with great relationships but the word friend carries a strong meaning for me. My friends are my chosen family. They are with me through thick and thin and allow me to be me...whoever that is at the moment. Because of this it is very difficult to make it to friendship status with me but once you are there, you are always there.

My oldest and dearest friend came to visit for the first time in 3 years. We have been friends since my very first day of ninth grade. When I walked into a new school and sat down in home room. He was sitting next to me and introduced himself. He immediately gave me a nickname...it was KayC. Guess it stuck :)

This was us almost 20 years ago:

We've been friends through marriages, births, deaths and divorces. He has been there with me since before I had real curves and was comfortable in my skin. We have seen each other at our worst and confessed things to each other most people would rather take to their grave. He is my brother from another mother, my twin from another womb. Over the years we can still smile together like this:

When meeting MoA (which was totally coincidental) he explained that he was one part of Martin and Will in Bad Boys. The gun toting big brothers at the front door. MoA, being the man he is, seemed to take it all in stride. Guess it helped that it was the end of his night and he had finished performing and packing up instruments and equipment. Even exhausted he looked great and I'm keeping that photo to myself :)

Over the weekend we hung out (hard) with the third member of the crew, drank way too much, laughed way too loud and shut down more than one spot. They gave me insight on this new dating game (my Addiction included) and sized up everyone who wanted to approach me. (Of course no one did hanging with those two)

It was just what the doctor ordered after nursing an injury that is keeping me off the Salsa dance floor and dealing with this thing called Life. They gave me insight and I provided insight on women (as much as I could). Sometimes it is just the pick me up you need when you are with people who know you, get you and still love you without any of the intimate relationship gunk getting in the way.

Cheering on my men...let's hear it for the boys!

Love you guys.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Storm Breaker...How the Fight Started

2010-05-03T08:00:00.005-05:00

I needed to lighten the mood here at The Storm and once again my silly friends have provided a good laugh delivered via my inbox. Love my girls! Enjoy...

If you ever wonder how 'the fight' started in your relationship...

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started...

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started...

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started...

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked,'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary..

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started....

---------------------------------------------------------------------

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

And THAT is how the fight started, LOL! Have a wonderful week blog fam.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

My Addiction...One More Hit

2010-04-27T11:03:00.005-05:00

My habit...
is a full blown addiction.

My name is KayC and I have an addiction. He is my addiction.

It was my first Salsa instructor's birthday. His SO announced to the group that she was secretly celebrating his birthday at my somewhat regular midweek spot. We call him Sinsei (thought we would get away from the Latin names) and birthdays are big in the Cuban community. The birthday person stands in the middle of the rueda and everyone (typically the opposite sex) dances around them until everyone gets a turn to dance with the birthday person.

That week was rough for me. I decided to take a nap and slept right through Sinsei's birthday gathering. I was disappointed that I missed it but the group decided to celebrate his birthday with another Salsera that weekend.

Of course it was at the spot owned by my addiction.

I was doing well. A simple hug hello and I tried my best to stay occupied with Salsa. But when he passed by me and played in my hair...I was done. Later, it was reiterated with the flirtation of stroking my arm or touching me as he walked by. Staring at me while I danced. Yeah, I tried not to notice but the spirit knows when it is being watched.

Strange, the attraction is growing. The woman I mentioned in my earlier posts showed up as well. She did not take the Salsa lesson but I was amused at my friend's stories about her later that night. They picked her out the crowd without knowing who she was. They stated her stalkerish behavior and faces she flashed my way as her giveaway. Apparently I would be dead if looks could kill as she constantly kept tabs on both of us.

Her misguided anger did not bother me. I love to dance and my fellow Salseros heated that place up (literally) until everyone was sweating. I had a blast! He called me groovy wonderful - as usual and I must admit those four words fed my high.

My addiction...gave me one more hit.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Retreat, Reflect and Recharge

2010-04-23T07:00:00.005-05:00

I did it again.

I ran away.

I was overloaded and about to explode. Furloughs, pay freezes, layoffs, miscalculated escrows, leaky faucets...all of it had me on the edge. Sink or swim and I was up to my eyeballs. One of the few perks of my job is the time off. Everyone was looking forward to spring break and I was no exception.

It started with a great Easter. An old-fashioned Easter egg hunt with money and candy stuffed eggs. One of my younger cousins found the golden $20 egg and the silver $10 egg. He was a hunting machine! Of course only money can get a teenager to do this for plastic eggs:

Notice he missed the obvious one on the trunk of the car, LOL!

I had a full week. Hanging with a few new friends at a pizza lounge for a few slices and drinks, dancing (of course) at a Salsa social and a few social events. I attended Salsa class, tried to dance up a storm at my mid-week venue but was disappointed at the number of people who go to a Latin night for the first time and treat it like an R&B club!

(Etiquette Tip: Do NOT stand in the middle of the dance floor during Latin night. You will get hit and/or stepped on and no it's not their fault. It's a DANCE floor!)

Needless to say I only got in a few dances but was happy to see a few dance partners I had not seen in months.

I was kidnapped by Frat at a social event and had to eat and drink my ransom before I was allowed to leave ;-) Love my Blue & White! They would surround me and make sure my glass was full and food was in front of me. My job was to sit there and be cute. Ummm...OK:

Laughed and ate with them for hours until I was asked to join a friend at another lounge. All of that before I hopped a plane to see my family in Florida. My niece's word of the day was "no" but she stole my heart anyway (yet again).

In a total act of randomness I can cross off another item on my 50 Things To Do list. I had dinner with all of my siblings, my brother-in-law and my niece at my father's dinner table. There is not enough words to explain why this was a major event. It was totally impromptu and went extremely well. Top that with great conversation and laughs and it was the perfect getaway. My sister and I picked up little sis earlier that day and had a sister's lunch only to find out baby brother felt left out. Who knew a 13-year-old would want to hang with his sisters?

He's adorable. Such a teenage boy but I think it had to do more with the food and getting out of working with Dad. Told him next time we would get him as well and he seemed happy with it.

I had a great visit and I am already missing them terribly. My father asked would I move back and I immediately told him no. My time there has passed. If I had the money I would quickly buy a condo there on the beach. Although I do not go often, my home town has the ability to allow me to retreat, reflect and recharge.

Always...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

My Drug, My High, My Habit

2010-04-16T07:00:00.008-05:00

Listening to my sister-friend Lovebabz's blog talk radio show, I came across this song and was immediately taken in by the beat and first two lines:

She say that I'm a habit
And every time she sees me she's gotta have it

I was caught. Hook, line and sinker.

I can identify so much that I have consciously tried to put space between me and my habit. There is a definite 'it' factor to some men. Yes, he is handsome but he has issues and drama and still there is something about him that draws you in. It's the 'it' factor. If I could put my descriptive words to paper and write a book to fully explain the why and hows about it....baby, I could retire on the sales alone!

That 'it' factor keeps you going back for more when there is only less. It keeps you thinking about him when you may have not crossed his mind at all. It keeps you enchanted with someone and possibly wasting your time.

Our attraction is like a smoldering flame.

It is impossible to hide and everyone sees it, picks up on it and make comments about it. We can be on opposite sides of the room and someone will ask me if that is my dude or are they getting me in trouble 'cause dude been staring all night. Around him I feel this indescribable attraction, almost a magnetic pull that feels natural, comfortable and stagnant. I can physically feel him in the room without looking at him, feel him walk by me without looking up. Two Scorpios feed a physical desire that is unmatched by many.

Even with the positive it does not seem to grow.

I am typically not like this with people. When I decide it is time for a person to leave my life I can write you off like nothing. I am legendary for it. With him an apology holds weight. With him a miss you is golden. With him...it is so different. For the life of me I can not explain why.

He is my drug, my habit, my high and it keeps me yearning for more. I am still learning to let him go and trying to move on.

Throwing in the towel..I surrender. I am declaring here on The Storm that I will no longer feed my habit.

He is a drug and I will try my best to stop getting high...

<a href="http://music.jhollinsmusic.com/track/her-high-f-juice">Her High f/JUICE by J.Hollins</a>

You can download this song or the complete album here. Enjoy!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Beautiful Blogger Award

2010-04-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Fell blogger Don at Minus the Bars bestowed this wonderful honor on The Storm. Actually his daughter picked the 25 blogs to give the honor to and I am highly honored and pleasantly surprised to be among them.

I started this blog after reading a friend's blog a few years ago. My life was at its lowest level. My marriage was spiraling into a point of no return, my manager was riding my case like a bad husband and my finances were in the toilet.

I started Thoughts from The Quiet Storm as my online journal. A place to vent, rant, rave and get it off my chest. A tiny bit of hope that everything would get better and I would one day read my old blog entries and think "I have grown so much" or "Whew! Glad that's over!"

I did not start this to become a writer or get a following to be published. Most times I think my writing is mediocre at best but this has become my safe haven, my vessel to put it out and let it go. To know there are other people who are going through it with me and they made it out just fine.

My place to also laugh and rejoice. My small space to chronicle my mediocre life in a mediocre society that values things, money and titles. My place...received a Beautiful Blogger Award.

Every blog award has rules. This one is no different:

1) Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
2) Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
3) Pass this award on to 15 fantastic bloggers you have discovered.
4) Contact your nominations and let them know they've won.

I don't do chain letters (even if they are awards) but I read a lot of blogs. My favorites are all listed in my small bog roll on the right and each of them can gladly accept their award. Each of these blogs (some have already received this award) are open, honest and blatant with their lives.

Check them out. I promise you will be pleasantly surprised.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

The World is Mine...

2010-04-05T08:23:00.002-05:00

I recently received my very first passport.

Lame...I know. I am on the other side of 30 and this is my first passport.

I made a promise to myself (and my cousin) since God did not bless us with children or a life partner that we would see the world together. Our parents never traveled and never had the drive to see the world.

Neither of us are middle-class but we made a pact to go on at least one sister-girl trip a year. We are mapping out our savings plan, looking into where we want to start our travels and getting serious about our destinations.

My 50 things to do list included going on a cruise and my first trip with my cousin is a cruise! It's with a portion of my Salsa group and we plan to dance and have a great time. It was the perfect first trip for us and I have a few girlfriends who are also going with us. I can't wait!

The only downside to this cruise is that I will miss my Salsa instructor's annual trip to Cuba. Another big thing for me is to Salsa in a club in Havana. Next year that will be crossed off as well!

This passport is my ticket to the world.

One more step on my trailblazing life.

One more thing the generation before me did not experience...

Learning to Lead

2010-03-29T08:00:00.005-05:00

I mentioned earlier I was invited to join an all-women Salsa performance group. Practices have started and yours truly was picked to be a lead. HA! My friend and I both started at the same time which made it a little less intimidating to join a group of ladies (even though they are very friendly, warm and understanding) who already know the routine. We have a few practices under our belt now and let me tell you blog family leading is NOT easy!

Since learning to dance Salsa I have wanted to learn to lead because there are always an abundance of women at the dance venues. Before joining the performance group, my friends and I vowed to learn to lead because we thought it would be fun. It is fun but very different than following. Parallel life comparison, right?

When you learn to follow it is about leaving your arms loose for the man to...well...do what he wants to do with you! Your job as a follower is to keep your feet (left, right, left. right, left, right...at least in Casino style Salsa) and not stop dancing.

When you learn to lead it is all about timing. Knowing where your partner is in relation to other people on the floor. Keeping them safe so they will not bump into anyone or get stepped on. Have an idea of what you want your partner to do so the dance is not boring. It is your job to keep your partners steps smooth, know where she is and make her movements flow. Even in a choreographed routine it is about timing, steps and flair in the turns. Taking great care to make your partner look good. Sounds familiar doesn't it?

Similar to life off the dance floor hardwoods leading and following is a difficult challenge to master. It takes a very open-minded individual to go from being a follower to a leader and be able to successfully flip that from a leader to a follower in the next dance. Now that I am learning to lead, I have to make a conscience effort to follow. My instinct is to immediately take the guys hand instead of giving him my own.

I need to make sure in learning to lead I have not forgotten how (and when) to follow.

On and off the dance floor...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Random Thunderstorms...(Nothing Like It)

2010-03-22T14:18:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like looking into the eyes of someone who sees you, gets you and still wants to spend time with you.

The first day the temperature goes above 65 degrees and the sun is shining after a cold winter. There is nothing like that first long walk.

There is nothing like seeing a photo of you knowing you were having a great time and had no clue someone snapped a photo of you.

There is nothing like the first compliment, the first hug or the first kiss of someone you really want to stick around for a while.

There is nothing like that I can't breathe laugh with a group of great friends.

There is nothing in the world like being undressed by someone who knows how to do it.

There is nothing like good memories of a loved one you've lost after the pain is gone.

There is nothing listening to that song on the radio and smiling at the flood of memories that come with it.

There is nothing like knowing it did not work and it was not your fault.

There is nothing like the peace you feel when you wake up in the morning with the sun shining, the birds singing and joy in your heart.

There is nothing like a rainy day, being curled up in the corner of my sofa with a good book and a great cup of something hot.

There is nothing like knowing I have accomplished so much more than the generation before me and knowing my niece will accomplish so much more than I ever could.

There is NOTHING like that feeling...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Can't Keep Running Away

2010-03-15T07:00:00.002-05:00

I am spoiled. I realized in just a short amount of time that a certain someone has spoiled me beyond belief. They can talk to me about anything without being afraid of me running away and I now expect the same from everyone else.

I expect to be able to put it out there and have it put out there in return. Instead, I got the same old games and it is extremely dissapointing. I do not like certain aspects of my life right now. There are a few things I would change and the level of communication I experience is definitely one of them. Surely it is possible to have wonderful verbal communication as well as physical? You don't have to settle for one or the other, right?

Seriously, after a certain age both men and women should be able to plainly ask for what they want, ask for what they need and what they are looking for? They should be able to express how they feel in plain terms without belittling or malicously hurting the other person. Seriously...

At what point, at what age, at what life experience do you realize...you can't keep running away?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Finding (and Keeping) a Life Partner

2010-03-11T09:06:00.000-05:00

I was cleaning out my email inbox and came across this article. Not sure I agree with everything said but it is interesting reading. I’m posting only an excerpt (because it does ramble at times) because I am curious to read your opinions…

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Excerpt from - Golden rules for finding your life partner...

…"You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1:
Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line - marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3:
Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions:

Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask about your Significant Other...

What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4:
How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

How do they treat their parents and siblings?
Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it:

"You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse"

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

Another perspective....
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you…

Pay attention.... Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship…

I edited out a few lists because I think as bloggers we have already torn those apart ;-) But what do you think of the questions? Are they valid questions to a long-lasting relationship?

Conquering, Clarity and Closure

2010-03-08T07:00:00.002-05:00

I did it. I sat across from the ex-husband over breakfast and got the answer to 'what happened.' It was a little painful. Like taking a bullet when he said he had recently married the woman he cheated with on several occasions. A mere year after our divorce was final he married the woman he dated before we met. The woman he professed to never had loved, had cheated on and swore he did not want. The woman who told me 'his family would always be hers as well.'

I guess she was right.

I do not want him back. I do not pine over him nor do I ever want to develop a friendship with him. I felt it was much needed closure. I wanted to hear what happened to our marriage straight from his mouth. He owed me that after a decade of my life.

It was a feeling of relief and validation that he admitted it was not me and I did nothing wrong. He admitted his immaturity and says he tells people it was him that did stupid things over and over again. I did not expect him to own it and I owned up to my part in the train wreck but to have him say I made him a better man was a low blow.

A low blow because it was not a compliment. How could it be a compliment that I suffered for 10 years to mold you for the next woman to enjoy? Especially one who contributed to the demise? Whew! Let me digress...

It was clarity. I know that it was not me and I know that I did not drive him to make the decisions that were made. It was closure to know that my suspicions of him and her were not in my imagination. It was closure for me to have the courage to tell him to his face the things he did to me were f@cked up! It was closure to walk away with my head held high knowing that I am a better person because of it. I am stronger than I ever thought I was and have grown into a phenomenal woman in spite of him.

I knew this day would come. I knew that one day I would have to face the man that used to have me scared to talk on the phone with my friends or enjoy the company of my fam.

I conquered a major demon. If I can look him in the eye and do that, I can do anything!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Beyond Words

2010-03-01T07:00:00.002-05:00

Words to describe you
escape my mind
fear, hope, frustration, fascination
all these things so easy to find

I am so grateful for you
beautiful beyond words
I simply can not describe you

gorgeous silhouette in the darkness
gives me a knew appreciate of men
running my fingers through your hair
I enjoyed each and every moment

The intimacy reached far beyond sex
learned so much about each other
anticipating what comes next...

There are no coincidences, there is a reason why our paths have crossed. Fear still holds me from jumping. I want to live in a way that allows me to enjoy life but fear still holds me bolted to the floor. It tells me that I do not want to hurt him. He has been through so much already and sadly thinks real love is not for him.

Ironically I have always thought of a woman being the trophy wife or eye candy. Until meeting him I never thought how a man would feel after being treated as eye candy or the boy toy. When we first met I was struck by his looks but after getting to know him he is...such a pleasant surprise. Every time we connect he brings a smile to my face and I am terrified.

I enjoy each interaction with him. He is an amazing person, a wonderful man and simply...beyond words.

(edited to add - I am not sure where this is going or how it will end. It may become just a wonderful friendship but either way my outlook on relationships has been changed for the better)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Old Irish Proverb

2010-02-23T08:00:00.001-05:00

Life is funny...every day I am surprised by the contents presented to me. I was reflecting on this Old Irish proverb:

Work like you don't need the money,
dance like no one is watching,
sing like no one is listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
and live life every day as if it were your last.
It sounds like such a nice sentiment, but it had me wondering if you could really live life like this.

Work like you don't need the money...
If only...

If I could 'work' like I didn't need the money I would make MAJOR changes in my career path. This desk is killing me slowly and my spirit is begging me for something new. I am working on it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is be still and wait on God. Would it be terrible to ask Him to hurry up already...LOL!

dance like no one is watching...
I think I have this one covered and mastered it within the past six months. I took a few weeks off (besides Salsa class) and realized I was a bit rusty when I returned to the hardwoods a few weeks ago. My partners and I laughed it off and keep dancing. I realized I truly dance like no one is watching when this photo was posted a few days later:

I cracked up and thought the photographer was wrong for posting that one! Yes, KayC was checking him out while we danced. He moved wonderfully and trust me....it looks much better in person :) Ha!

sing like no one is listening...
My cousin is the 'singer' of the family. I can carry a tune and sound pretty good if the song is in my key. Usually younger people are the recipient of my songs (mostly younger cousins and my niece, mainly Disney songs) or the person I am dating may get privately seranaded. No complaints yet. Still working on it...

love like you've never been hurt...
I'm still a hopeless romantic, but....moving right along.

and live life every day as if it were your last...
This is a big one. I ask myself all the time 'would you be worrying about this if you only had a few days left to walk this earth?' Most of the time my answer is a resounding NO!

I try to be myself, to conduct myself in a way that is reflective of who I am regardless of the people around me. Most of the time it works out well but there are times when my feelings get hurt. Many nights I nurse wounds because I did 'the right thing' only to receive negative reactions and repercussions. Looking back, would I change any of it? Only a few things...but what is life without a few regrets?

I pose the question to you blog family. Do you live your life by the Old Irish Proverb?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Gotta Give It Up

2010-02-17T08:35:00.002-05:00

I never debate religion or politics in public and it is an extremely rare instance if I comment on a conversation that is veering in that direction. With the use of technology comes the destruction of human interaction, the simple art of conversation is lost on most people and they have difficulty expressing themselves. Add high emotion topics like religion or politics and you have a recipe for disaster or at least a high volume shouting match. Neither of which holds my interest.

In an extreme effort of breaking my silence on religion, I am admitting to the blog world that I participate in Lent to some degree. Every year I ponder what I will give up for 40 days and 40 nights hoping to give it up for good. In previous years it was junk food, alcohol, cursing and meat.

Last year I went deeper and gave up doubt. I did pretty good until after Easter and it came back with a vengeance. Feeling that I failed in that area I am once again giving up doubt coupled with feelings of low self-worth. I have no doubt that this year when I give it up it will stay gone :-) It will no longer dwell in my psyche like a weed that continues to grow after it is pulled.

My decisions are a direct reflection of my life right now. I was doubting myself, doubting my worth, doubting my decisions. I am giving it all away. Giving it to God and letting Him take me where I need to be. There are a few difficult decisions that I need to make and only He can help me make them.

The learning continues. I gotta give it up.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Been There, Done That

2010-02-12T10:00:00.002-05:00

"There’s something lovely about knowing
that when it’s right you really know it’s right,
because you’ve already been through all the wrong.”
- Helen Folasade Adu

Been there and done that. My spirit is speaking to me again. The voice that whispers from deep down in your soul and tells you exactly what you need, although it may not be exactly what you want.

This year started off rocky. My mother had two priority/emergency surgeries, the heater in my house was/is on the verge of collapsing and I had to call an electrician when one wall in the house decided to go dead. (yeah, the credit card is smoking) Add to that nursing hurt feelings, furloughs on the job and the death of a pet and you have an extremely trying January!

My heart was hurting, my spirit was bending and my soul was bruised. Even on the dance floor hardwoods my joy would not show. I had settled into this 'mediocrity' of life. The everyday mundane living I loathe was taking its toll.

The pendulum was swinging into a different direction and I was weary. I am not sure of my exact epiphany moment. I prefer not to reveal the moment I realized my spirit was speaking to me again or maybe it was that I surrendered to listen?

Either way...I can proudly say that now I have been there and done that. Rest assured I have no desire to ever go back to that dark place again.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...